THE MVP'S OF MESA TOWN

Trash to Treasure Tuesday rises....

2012-01-23T21:01:00.000-08:00

Now, now, now people don't get yourselves in a tizzy. YES, I have returned with a lovely trash to treasure, but don't be expecting this to happen every week. It only took me 9 months to get my act together and do this one.

Seriously....I happened upon this little gem of a table in a thrift store an age ago. I knew it had grand potential, and for SEVEN DOLLARS I could NOT pass it up, but didn't have the time or gumption to do it. It sat in my garage for a rather long time, collecting more dust and taking up space. Until one day we were having our neighbors over for dinner and I realized our little 4 seater table was just NOT gonna cut it. So, I hauled the bigger table in and wiped it down and put a big ol' table cloth over it to cover the hideous mess that it really was. Well, after I saw how delightful it was to have an actual table of size I couldn't go back to the mini table. I spent several months just covering the table up with various cloths and loathing the mess that needed me to do something with it.

To be fair, I AM pregnant and have been RATHER miserable this time around. But finally, FINALLY, the day came when i actually had enough energy, enough drive and enough desire to get this bad boy done. PHEW! It was about damn time.

Ready?......

BEFORE:

What is not to love about those legs?

Pretty rough shape, as you can see.

How cute is that? The sides fold down too.

Did I mention.....SEVEN BONES for this table?

So, Jer helped me take it out to the garage and I went to town sanding that bad boy down. There were some serious gouges and issues to deal with. As we all know, I don't do sanding....it's annoying and realllllly messy. However, as evidenced by my crappy photos...there was no way around sanding this bad boy. I sanded for a good while, cleaned it, taped off the cute little claw feet and hinges, painted the bottom and then stained the top. Yes, STAINED. Have I mentioned that I also don't do staining. ICK! It's messy and annoying and really not my cup of tea. However, this seemed like the way to go with this project.

Now, as we all know, I also have a patience problem. So, goodness knows I was not about to wait around between coats, or take extra long time sanding, or not paint the bottom while the top was drying. I have things to do people, things.to.do. I mention this because, well....while I like the results, there are definitely some flaws in my finished product. But, good news...I'm also NOT a perfectionest. hahahaaha

FINE, I'll show it to you:

AFTER:

Look closely, you'll see said flaws.....sanded too low in some places. Stain doesn't cover that bidness. Ah well. I'm going with....it's rustic and old, so the bad spots look ok, right? hahahahahahahaha

Pretty, no?

Spray painted the base with rustoleum heirloom white.

Stained the top with minwax gel stain cherry.

Table runner is just 3 yards of muslin, and a work in progress. Gonna shorten it a bit, add some ruffles on the side and we'll see.

And now...it makes me happy to walk into my kitchen and see this pretty, complete, non splintery, rough mess of a table. It looks finished and lovely.

And though I may have been RATHER sore for several days afterward, it was worth the pain of squatting and moving around on my knees and doing all that work.

Now the question here is....how do we feel about the chairs? Keep them, or do I have to paint them all cream now? I won't lie, the thought of doing that is NOT exciting to me.

Stainfully and painfully yours,

Allyson

Girls at Play......

2012-01-21T10:52:00.000-08:00

Maggie loves, I mean REALLY loves playdates. It's highly important to her that someone come over and play here or that she go to someone elses house. She asks daily where she can go, or who can come over. This doesn't get to happen everyday mind you, I have things to do yo! And when it doesn't happen, she is extremely annoyed and unhappy with me. But, I do like her to have a social life, and I really don't mind having friends over.

Her particular favorite and most frequen playmates are Claire (they're in school together and she lives down the street, and her Mom is amazeballs and has Maggie over a lot) and Navi. We don't get to see Navi that often because we're on opposite preschool schedules and our schedules in general just don't seem to match up well enough.

Of course, she'd prefer to go to Navis, and I don't blame her. Navi has a super cool backyard and a ton of toys to play with. PLUS....it's alwyas WAY better to play at someone elses house. But, I digress.

The other day the planets alligned and miss Navi was available to come and play. It was a joyous day for both Max and Maggie that Navi was here and oh the good times they had.

First they jumped on the trampoline, then they played aliens and bad guys and shot them in the backyard. They dragged kitchen chairs out to the playhouse and climbed all over the roof and did who knows what else. Then they came inside and played "Mom and Dad" (a particular favorite of my chillins) until apparently Navi was bored of that. Next thing I know Maggie and Navi are wandering through the family room "gathering" things. I asked what they were doing and Maggie informed me they were looking for items for beauty salon.

Beauty Salon? Now THIS was something new. And especially interesting, as Maggie doesn't allow me to ever comb her hair or you know, touch it.

Awhile later, it was very quiet, so I decided to go back and check. Imagine my surprise to find Navi combing through Maggies hair. I went back to get my camera and by the time I returned, I found this.

Please look closely and note that Maggie is apparently "brushing" Navis hair with her play kitchen knife. Hahahahaha

This went on for QUITE some time, until finally they emerged from their

"sal-ON" and Maggie proudly introduced Navi and her amazing handiwork.

Pretty spectacular, no? I particularly love the comb stuck in the back of her hair. hahahahahaha

Not gonna lie, it was the BEST afternoon of playing EVER! Those girls had the best time for almost 4 hours. I had quiet, undisturbed lessons because Maggie and Max were so happily occupado with their BFF. Pretty sure Navi only went home because her Dad finally texted and was like, "Uhhhhh, should we come get Navi?" hahaha Ummm NO, she's too great for my kids.

Anyway....love some good playtime with friends.

Playdates and updos,

Allyson

Panic Room

2012-01-19T22:14:00.000-08:00

Whatever investor bought and flipped this house before we bought it from them did a swell job in some areas and a craptastic, cheapy job in others. Case in point.....all the door knobs throughout the house. They are literally the $8.00 cheapest you can buy at Home Depot. I HATE them. I have always hated them. They're silver and cheap looking and cheap working. The "lock" is stupid and my children can unlock them, what good is THAT? But, like many other things, and I do mean MANY, they were just on the list of "to dos" for someday.

Someday came today. I was at the Home Depot picking up some paint for my project tomorrow and I passed the doorknobs. "You know what....I'm just gonna DO IT." I said to myself. So, I picked up knobs for the kids room and for ours. I mean, it's not like I could re "knob" every door in the house in one fell swoop, so I started with the two most important.

It's a teeny bit like this....except not a push lock and in black.
We got home and I headed straight for the kids door. I needed to turn their lock around anyway, so, you know, I could lock it from the outside, in case of need of banishment, or punishment, or whatever! I got right to work. It's not like changing a door knob is rocket science.

Maggie and Max dragged kitchen chairs into the hallway so they could watch and cheer me on in my efforts. It was a smidge crowded in that there hallway, but somehow we made do.

I got the old knob off in a jiffy and then set to work on the new knob. After a couple of oopsies with putting the innerd in correctly, I got it right. Then I worked to figure out getting the knob on correctly. It may or may not have taken a few more efforts than I'd like to admit. But FINALLY I got it all in and done and screwed in. It look swell, but then I gave the door a try. And....well....bleepity, bleepity bleep bleep the door didn't latch. For whatever reason the stinkin door would not latch shut. What good is that to me? UGH! So, I messed with the little plate on the door jam first, that didn't help. So then I had to take the whole freaking thing apart AGAIN! I kept trying to figure out if the inside piece needed to be elongated, or whatever. I was getting nowhere.

That pushy inny thing is the DEVIL.

At this point I stick the inner part back in, line it up and shut the door. I SHUT THE DOOR and it LATCHED!! Suddenly, the door is stuck shut and there is NO knob on it and I'm LOCKED in my kids room with no phone and no way out. I tried using the screwdriver to jimmy it over, shake it, wiggle it, anything.

I moved into a full blown panic attack. Like for reals....I was hyperventilating, the walls felt like they were closing in on me, I was seriously fuh-reaking out? "this is not good, this is not good, this is NOT good, we're stuck, WE'RE STUCK!" I wish I could explain how terrifying that moment felt. HOW was I gonna get out?

So, I look to the window and say "Maggie, I'm putting you out the window, I need you to get out the back gate and go over and get B (our neighbor). She scoffed, said she couldn't do that, she was scared, etc. "NO MAGGIE, you HAVE to do this!" So, I opened their window, dropped her down, followed closely by Max, who simply HAD to go along too. Then she said she couldn't undo the gate. I assured her she could, just drage a chair over, unlatch it and go. Off they run. And I'm practically in the fetal position for fear I'm never gonna leave this room again. (only a slight exageration).

In that moment I decided to try and stick the knob in as best i could and see if I could get the handle to turn. THANKFULLY, it worked.

I got out, ran to the backyard, called for the kids, who were already at the nieghbors. They came running back and told me B wasn't home. So thank HEAVENS I got out on my own, 'cause THAT woulda sucked.

It's silly really. The whole thing took about 10 minutes, but it was seriously one of the most scarey moments of my life.

Needless to say, I grabbed my phone, in case any foolishness were to happen again. Maggie spent the next 20 minutes saying..."Phew, that really gave me a heart attack. I was having a pretty big heart attack about that." etc. it was cute.

In the end....good news....I got the knob put back on and it works perfectly. Latches, locks, all is well. And....it's pretty, and it works well and isn't loud and squeaky. BEST of all....no more chance for me to get myself locked into the

Panic room!

Terror and Toddler heros,

Allyson

PTSD (post traumatic shopping disorder)....it's fo real YO!

2012-01-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

Ok......enough time has past, I have taken enough deep cleansing breaths and have had enough therapy that I believe my post traumatic stress from an ill fated shopping trip has FINALLY subsided.

I mean, here's the deal....we are all perfectly clear that Maggie is, well.....um...spirited, strong willed, or just downright crazy, right? I mean, i think I've made this clear on a number of occasions. Girl does NOT back down for nothin, and she regularly fights me on, well, EVERYTHING! However, this shopping experience took things to a whole new level. One in which I'm afeared I need to get her checked out, or at least me checked in somewhere.

Here goes:

A couple weeks before Christmas the chilrens and I got in the car and headed out for an afternoon excursion. We were going to Kohls to procure my sisters Christmas present and perhaps look around, see if there were any other great finds to be had. All was going well, we found her gifts, looked for some kind of cute dress for Maggie, but no luck. So, I get this bright idea that we should head to Ross, see what they had to offer. Frankly, besides her need for a cute Christmas dress, homegirl was SADLY lacking in any kind of pant to wear. We were literally down to 2 pair of jeggings (shut it all of you. Jeggings are still evil, but worn by 4 year olds with huge ghetto booties, they are cute. I still completely ban them from all adult wearage!) and some scraggly skirts. She REFUSES to wear jeans of any kind, and most any other pant I try to buy she finds something wrong with. Shoot, most shirts are non-acceptable to her as well. One day they're in, the next day......they're OUT!

Imagine my happy dance when upon entering the store I right away found a super cute Christmas dress for only 10 bucks. Maggie nodded her approval, so it went in the pile. I found a couple other dresses to at least try and then set my sights upon pants of any kind that would fit her criteria of soft, stretchy and COMFORTABLE. I found the cutest pair of pink sweat pants that were blingy and said diva. Hello, how PERFECT could they be? I also found a super fun pair of stretchy, jegging like jordache jeans. I felt them....soft. Stretchy. Comfortable, PLUS totally blingy and fun. How could she resist? So, I threw them in the pile, along with some other pair of something. Off we went to the dressing room.

Here is where things went completely otherworldly on me. Keep in mind I have never taken Maggie actual clothes shopping. I mean, you can't count walking through Wal-Mart, throwing 3 dollar shirts into the cart and going home as shopping. She has never attempted to "try on" clothes in the store. At home, no matter what I buy, she immediately rips the tag off and THEN tries it on. I s'pose I had completely repressed all memory of her wierd aversion to tags. Because you can just imagine my shock and surprise to her complete and utter BREAK DOWN over the tags being attached to the clothes while she tried them on.

I held up a dress and attempted to put it on her. She screamed, she cried, she DEMANDED that I remove all tags. I informed her that since we did not yet OWN these clothes I could NOT do that. I assured her that she would be ok. I'd hold the tags away from her, she could DO this. She is practically hyper ventilating at this point. And you may think I'm exagerting, but I am NOT! She would start to put it on, then back out screaming she couldn't do it. I finally got the dress on and thankfully, it was comfortable enough that she calmed down and gave me a nod of approval. The other two dresses did not fair as well. Oh good heavens....then we come to the pants. THE PANTS! I wish, for the love of all I WISH that anyone could have witnessed this besides me. It's so UN-believable how she acted that you'll think I'm lying. But, I'm not. I swear to buddah, I am NOT.

I picked the pants up, I moved them towards her, she screamed about the tags. I tried to calm her down, talk her out of her tree, assure her it would be fine. She'd make a small move toward the pants, step one foot in, then yank it out like she'd just been bitten by a thousand poisonous snakes and scream again she couldn't do it/didn't want to do it, HATED the pants, etc. She nearly went into seizures her fear and disdain was so palpable. It was the most bizarre and ludicrous thing I've ever seen. I finally got the damn pants on her, but she was not to be calmed. Nothing was gonna be ok at this point. I was on the verge of my own breakdown and Max was just trying to get out of the dressing room and all the crazy being thrown around.

Finally I got her redressed in her own clothes and calmed down, gathered my meager findings and we headed for the register. I was buying the pants dammit, and she was gonna like 'em once the tags were off.

The offending pants. Cute right?

We get home, show her Dad her new wares and then decide to change her clothes because we were going somewhere that night.

You may think I kid, but for FORTY FIVE MINUTES she screamed, she cried, she wailed she raged and REFUSED to wear those pants. Nothing I did or said could change that. Wanna know why she hated them so? Because they touched her skin. They "bothhered" her skin. I was not getting it, until Jere finally told me, the stitching on the pocket was touching her skin and bothering her. So, the comprimise was, she could wear leggins under the pants so the pants wouldn't touch her. That was how she was appeased, and it is still the only way she will wear the pants.

This stitching is what proved to be her undoing.

You guys! I mean, I've KNOWN she had some issues. She WON'T wear socks or tights because the seam in them bother her so much. If anything is remotely "scratchy" she refuses to put it on. She won't deal with tags, I knew this. She won't wear MOST shoes, especially if they are closed toe because they bother her. But, I guess I just did NOT realize the level, the depth of her "disorder" if you will. Clearly homegirl has some sort of sensory issue that may need a deeper look.

All I know is....I will NEVER, EVER attempt to take her shopping for clothes in any fashion, ever again. I will meekly lay at her feet nothing but tagless sweats forevermore. Actually, truth be told, she is now the owner of a shiny new wardrobe of nothing but leggings. So far, so good. And frankly....with a ghetto booty like hers, it's pretty dang cute.

Needless to say, it's taken a good month, a lot of "happy thoughts" and maybe a pallet of cookies or two, but I am at long last moving past this ordeal. I just sincerely hope that she will grow out of this hideousness AND that this new baby will not share in the issue. 'Cause dang it, I need a dolly to dress that doesn't fight me at every turn. I deserve that right? RIGHT!

Clotheless and cray cray,

Allyson

Biking is the BEST!

2012-01-17T08:19:00.000-08:00

I'm telling you.....these bikes my kids got for Christmas have been the BEST!! They love them so much, and are so darn adorable on them that I couldn't be happier with the purchase, or "near death" experience at Wal-Mart on Black friday to get them.

They spend a good amount of time out front riding the "track" or the "loop" around our house. Which is down the front walk, across the sidewalk, around the corner, up our driveway and back on the walk. PERFECT! It's nice because I can have the front door open and the garage open and feel like I have a view of them while they feel like they're getting their ride on and they're out in the fresh air.

Here is my view:

Maggie, who is usually singing, and insists on stopping at the door EVERY time to say something to me.

Max, who bless his heart is ONLY happy if Maggie is out there playing with him.

Totally great bike riding.

However, last Saturday our fabulous neighbor helped Jere fix our bikes so that Jere could go on bikerides with the kids (I will not be riding any mountain bikes or road bikes in my current state). And a whole new level of happy has been born. Actually, the new level of happy comes from, our adorable neighbor has the cutest beach cruiser bike EVER and she has let me borrow it. THAT I can get on and ride, and I LOVE it. The kids and I have been on rides almost every day and it's awesome. We "work" the neighborhood, visit Gramma Dar, visit friends, go to the park and just generally enjoy the gorgeousness that is AZ in the winter. And frankly, there might be nothing cuter than my kids in their helmets. Said neighbor is a cop, and when he and Jer were at the store to get bike stuff, he said "I don't wanna be THAT guy, BUT, your kids must have helmets, it's the law." Thanks a lot officer. hehehehe

Set for one of our daily adventures.

Stopping by Gramma Dars for a drink and some play time.

Climbing at the neighborhood park

Apparently the grass was just too inviting, after a "rousing" round of hide and go seek, which frankly was hysterical with these 3 kids.

We like to pick our friend Paisley up for rides and then playtime at the park.

The best part of this riding and playing is....the kids sleep like LOGS which always makes Mama happy. Now, if only I could sleep like a log.

Yep, this bike riding around the neighborhood is totally the BEST!!

Helmets and hairdos,

Allyson

Travelin WAYYYYY back in time....

2012-01-16T07:27:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time in a land far, far, well ok fine, not so distant land, there was a neighborhood FULL of children who would wander and roam and play freely amongst eachothers houses. The parents were all friends, the neighborhood safe and happy, and apparently, the friendships born......lifelong.

You see, back when I lived on Dragoon, right in the bend of the street, my two neighbors to the left were the Bradshaws and the Rohns. I was WEE, I mean, VERY young when we lived there. In fact, we moved away from there (all the way across the park) when I was 4. BUT, that doesn't matter, because our bonds were cemented in, well, cement.

In the 35 years since I moved away, somehow we have managed to keep abreast of eachother and remain friends.

Sheridyn moved off the street when she was 10, but only 2 miles down the road, and we were always in teh same stake and our parents are besties, so that was easy. Kimmies parents divorced when she was 8 and at 10 her Mom remarried and took her and her sister off to Florida. I have literally probably only SEEN Kimmie about 5 times in those intervening years. BUT, enter facebook, and all is solved.

Here is what i can tell you...
Sheridyn is the oldest of a lot of kids. And the Bradshaws are synonymous with PEPSI! That was a fascinating thing as a kid, cause trust you me, we didn't have no cola at our house. I regularly scaled our backyard fence and made my way into their house like I owned the place, cause apparently I was a crazy tomboy at 18 months old.

Kimmie had a HUGE canopy bed in her room, which was awe inspiring and MIND.BLOWING to us simpletons. Noone, and I mean NOONE had a bed like that. Shoot, I had an ugly old bunkbed that I occupied the top of. Which was NOT a good thing, as I was wont to fall off of it and hurt myself. Anyway, also at Kimmies house, in the hallway there was a picture, like real art. It had some form of nudity, but you know, tasteful, like botticelli-ish or something. BUT, I could barely take the fact that there was nakey going on. One time I asked Kimmie about it, and then her sassy, snotty little self informed me that her parents slept like that every night. Again....MIND.BLOWN! Naked parents? NEVER! If you'll all recall....I thought people got pregnant by hugging, clothed until I was well into 6th grade. I certainly couldn't believe anyone ever got naked. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh the innocence of youth! Also, when I was 3, I was playing on Kimmies swing set and somehow fell and cut my eye open just below the eyebrow. I marched myself home leaving a trail of blood behind to prove my toughness, and then was taken in or several stitches, and ahve the scar to show it. Finally, Kimmies Mom (Margaret) would always tell me that I could be a Vogue model someday. This was so confusing and really meant nothing to me in the sense that i didn't even know what a Model was, much less a VOGUE model. But, it had something to do with the fact that I had high cheek bones and was tall. Whilst those assessments may have been true, I also had a strong proclivity for the fat and that won out, therefore putting the ki-bosh on my modeling career. Anywho.....I digress.

Just for good measure.....Vintage shot of Sheridyn and Kimmie at my 5th birthday party.

There they are again, at the front of the raft. Playing at my "NEW" house with the pool. I do have to laugh that they are the only ones wearing FLOATIES! Amatures!

Just after Christmas the three of us, along with their two Moms (mine was out of town) got together for lunch, and I can't tell you how fun, and easy it was to just get together and visit. We laughed about old memories, discussed the old neighborhood, filled eachother in on old neighbors and friends and talked about where our lives are now and just enjoyed a wonderful afternoon.

Kimmy, Sheridyn and the jolly blue giant, um, I mean ME

Don't ya hate when two cameras are going off at once.

Funny how they both look JUST the same no? Kimmie has so much beautiful hair, it's not fair! (total poet there)

Seriously. I truly do NOT realize or remember just how tall and or big I am until I see pictures next to a bunch of normal to short sized people. What is UP with that? UGH! And, do I look pregnant, or just fat? 'Cause mostly, I'm pretty sure it's the fat, not pregnant thing.

Kimmie just had a baby in October, so she feels my "old lady" having a baby pain. AND as a side note, just found out another of my friends from the neighborhood is pregnant and she'll be 40 when it's born. HA! At least I'm not alone.

Anyway, it was a lovely afternoon, a lovely lunch and such a fun time to reunite and reminisce with these wonderful women in my life.

Here's hoping that we can do it again before 35 years pass by.

Memories and munching,

Allyson

The Greatest Gift

2012-01-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

One evening, early in December we came home to discover two huge and gorgeous pots full of geraniums sitting on our planter boxes, flanking our front door. There was a card attached that said they were from our Christmas Elf.

That silly elf forgot that her handwriting is completely recognizable, therefore, the gig was up.

Our dear, sweet, amazing and wonderful friend M had spent 3 months growing those beautiful flowers and then repotted them and placed them there as a gift for us. She has the greenest of thumbs and her front walkway is a veritable smorgasbord of flowers and plantlife in all its glory.

Oh, you wanna see? Of course you do....

Adorable, no?

And yes, yes I did paint my front door yellow (with spray paint) before we even moved in. Jere hates it. I LURVE it!

Anyway....I can not even BEGIN to tell you how much this gift means to me. Not only because red geraniums are my FAVORITE (right next to gerbera daisies), but because she is THAT thoughtful.

You see, my beloved M is in the midst of a very, VERY difficult health battle. She is fighting cancer with all she has, and has been for a long time. I truly don't think I've met anyone with a more positive or beautiful outlook on life. In spite of her constant pain, her constant discomfort, she is ALWAYS 100% put together. A day doesn't go by that she doesn't have her hair and makeup done. There is always a smile on her face and a positive word to share. She truly believes in the mantra that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Needless to say, she's pretty beloved by all her doctors, nurses, lab techs, and the rest of us friends.

So, to think that WE somehow merited this beautiful gift from her heart, well, it's just makes me all the more grateful and maybe a little teary. Well, the tears might also be from my utter fear that I might kill these precious flowers. Because seriously.....I have a black thumb of death. Plants and I are not generally on good terms. However, I am bound and determined to keep these beautiful flowers blooming and happy for as long as M says they shall. She has given me tips and pointers on what to do, and informed me that they should be good to go until May. I'm proud to say....so far....so good.

Everytime I drive by, or walk up to my front door I literally just smile. Smile at the thought of M, smile at the flowers beauty, smile at how much they add to my front walk, and just SMILE at the knowledge that no matter what crap we face in life, there is always something beautiful, and attitude truly is EVERYTHING!

So thank you M, THANK YOU for the GREATEST GIFT!!!

Flower pots and hopeful hearts,

Allyson

Max is "nummy" (binky) FREE!!!

2012-01-03T21:29:00.000-08:00

Please note this is one of 4 NEW entries tonight. All are short, so just give 'em a looksy. These days it takes an act of congress to get me to actually post.

After several false starts, of which I won't bore you with the details.....Christmas finally came and Max gave up the binky.

If you recall, 2 years ago, Maggie left her binky for Santa, so he could give it to new babies. She was a champ about it and only cried a couple of nights after giving it up. Gramma Dar has still never forgiven us for making Santa the "bad guy", but hey, it worked, and Maggie still loves Santa, so no harm, no foul.

Along comes Max, and frankly, who knew it'd be so hard to get him off the binky. I mean seriously, from birth to 1 years old he was pretty much a binky "retard". He could NOT keep the thing in his mouth to save his life. But then suddenly, one day he woke up and figured it out. From about 1 on he became real attached. Now, not as attached as maggie who NEVER had it out of her mouth. But attached in the sense that there was no sleep unless nummy was involved. And, that attachment grew stronger with his age. So, while we were yanking it from Maggie at 2, Max was MORE attached at 2 than ever. He got to hold on to the nummy habit for a year longer than Maggie.

Now, we've been prepping him for QUITE SOME TIME that Christmas was a comin, and Santa was in need of binkies. He said he understood, he said he was down with it. But, when it came right down to it.....not so much. Mind you, we were down to ONE binky in the whole house. It was a total panic if it ever went missing, which it did, hence the false starts.

Anywhozle....Christmas Eve came, and he was NOT gonna let it go without a fight. So, I stole it, and maybe we told him Clarence the elf came and took it early, because Santa REALLLLLLLY needed it. It was magical. He whimpered a little, then accepted his new reality, and has not cried for it even one time. It was a Christmas miracle.

But, just for good measure, Santa left Max a note on Christmas morning....

He's pretty pleased with himself and what a big boy he is now. He practically scratched his crotch and hawked a loogy as he stated...."I don't need a nummy, I'm a big boy, and Santa needed it for the new baby." and....spit!

YAY for the end of the nummies. Just in time to get new ones for a new baby. Hopefully enough time will have passed that he won't want to regress back to that when the baby comes.

Stink breath and buck teeth,

Allyson

Our Elf Army

2012-01-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

Some people, well ok, MOST people have elf on a shelf. Pshhhht! Amature i tell you. One measley elf to do all the work, puhlease! We here at Casa de MVP have an entire elf army. No really, 'tis true. Auntie Julie is what we like to call a freakshow, and she introduced a slew of elves this year. Not gonna lie, they were awesome, and really, for the most part worked wonders. All we'd have to do is say...."they're watching" and the kids would straighten up. Well, that, or we'd threaten to call Santa. It got to the point that every time I picked my phone up for ANY reason at all, the kids would go into hysterical crying fits, begging me NOT to call Santa. Relax kid, I was just gonna check my messages, SHEESH! Truth is, this year was absolutely the most darling and fun age with my kids for Christmas. They BELIEVED wholly and completely. They were so excited and so full of happiness and joy. It made the holiday so much more fun and enjoyable for me. They were hysterical with their elves. In awe when they'd move, heartbroken if they accidently touched one or knocked one over, because they feared they'd taken the elves magic away. It was all just so great!

One night/morning at about 3 a.m. Maggie woke up for some reason, and when she noticed that an elf was in a new spot, her eyes got wide and she said "look Mommy, the elf moved, they really ARE watching us."

Another time, I was yelling at her from another room to go wash her hands after going to the bathroom. She said she did. I said, 'No you didn't Maggie, I KNOW you didn't wash them." To which she replied...."how do you know, are you part elf too?" HA! It was awesome.

Anywho, let me introduce you to 4 of our elf army.....

In the back is Mr. Peepers, he bothers Maggie because he's "green".

From L to R in front is Sport, Clarence and Happy. Maggie named them all, and who are we to argue with that. Sport and Happy were quite clever elves and could often be found hanging from cieling fans, snowflakes in the cieling, curtains or elsewhere. Definitely more lithe and nimble than Clarence, who was a big clunky, and Mr. Peepers who has a balance problem.

All in all, I'm a big fan of this whole Elf army and look forward to using their services again next year. Actually, we've decided that maybe once a month or so one will just appear in the house, to let the kids know that Santa is ALWAYS watching. hehehehehe

Elves unite,

Allyson

Santa Clause Came to Town

2012-01-03T21:05:00.000-08:00

We "watched out", we didn't cry and we didn't pout (all lies, there was A LOT of crying and pouting, and fighting, intespersed with good behaviour too) so Santa Clause came to town.

No complaints here, Santa and Gramma Peg, and Gramma and Grandpa were good to us, and the kids couldn't be happier with their Christmas haul.

We begin with Christmas Eve at Gramma Pegs house.

Christmas PJ shot

There is a smorgasboard of food. Seriously, Gramma thinks there is 100 people, instead of just 4 of us there to eat. But, eat we do and then the present opening begins.

I didn't take very many pictures, but suffice it to say, Gramma goes a TOUCH overboard on spoiling her grandkids. Max was super excited about this present. A little twisty/turny racetrack with cars.

Daddy attempting to put it together so they could play with it.

After the avalanche of presents were opened and hanging out was done, we loaded the kids and goods up and headed for home, so Santa could come to our house.

The kids were snuggled up in their beds.......

'Twas the year of the big kid bike around these parts. If you asked Max what he wanted, he would always tell you...."a guyscraper bike and a guyscraper helmet." I don't know where that came from, he's Max, what can I say. I need to scan maggies letter to Santa. it's the cutest thing ever, and she wrote it all herself. She asked Santa to bring her a big girl bike, a puzzle and a nailset. We were happy to oblige such simple wishes. There was a Rapunzel doll thrown in for good measure, and maybe some blingy sweats, just sayin.

Let the games begin.....

I promise she LIKED the doll...

Thanks to my Mumsy and a Relief Society project....Max has this super faublous, reversable Super hero cape.

The Loot for her

The loot for him...

Really, it was a great Christmas. I am a firm believer in less is more. My children will never get more than three presents from Santa, and then one from Gramma and Grandpa and maybe a couple little things from Mom and Dad. There is just no need to go so crazy and so overboard on gifts. It becomes overwhelming to their senses, and it's a huge waste of money. So, there you have it, my personal philosophy. And, the thing is....they're happy.

The bikes have been a huge success, and it makes my heart pitter pat to see them out riding them.

Lastly, a funny story regarding Max and the cape.

One night, LONG after we'd put them to bed, out comes Maggie, tatteling that Max had gotte my goggles out of my bag in my room. And just as I'm about to yell at Max, here he comes into the room, full of consternation and defending himself to the fullest, wearing his super cape and goggles. If only I could have taken a picture at that moment, because honestly, there are no words for how ridiculous, and adorable and hysterical it was. HOW could I possibly be mad at him, or yell at him for being up an HOUR past their bedtime, when he NEEEEEEEDED the goggles to complete his Super guy getup. Oh, I'm telling you, it was too much. Jere and I could NOT stop giggling. I just buried my head in my shirt until I could compose myself to calmly tell him super guy needed to be put to bed until further notice. He kindly removed the goggles, handed them to me and sadly made his way back to bed. Man that kid, he's a hoot! Fairly sure it is an image that will live in my brain until I die. At least I hope it does, 'cause it was dang funny.

Christmas overload,

Allyson

Gratuitious Christmas dress ups

2012-01-03T20:25:00.000-08:00

This dumb post only took me an ENTIRE week to get up, due to the fact that my pictures don't ever want to be uploaded. UGH!

Well WHAT? I'm' on a kick. I'm making up for an entire month. So sue me.

I found Maggie a fabulous Christmas dress at Ross a couple weeks ago (this shopping trip deserves a post all its own, OY VAY!) for only ten bucks! I was sooooo happy. Until that point, i didn't have a dress and was unsure what we were gonna do. Max's ensemble was courtesy of Gramma Peg for his birthday. I've been saving it for christmas.

Won't lie, I think they look pretty smashing.

If you only knew what it took to get those tights and those shoes on Miss Sassy face. I deserve medals, prizes, a million dollars for what I go through to get her dressed.

Seriously, you would just NEVER know how "evile" she is from this here adorable picture. All proud of her get up.

Max didn't care to join in for anymore pictures.

Yep, he was thoroughly done with me and my camera.

We managed to get a couple of family shots.

Don't ya just LOVE how I matched them all so well. hehe

Anywho....Merry late Christmas from our house to yours.

Don't even fear, I AM going to put up a quick post about our Christmas as well. Then, if you're really lucky, I'll totally write about how I had the hideous "trots" for a week straight. I know you're excited.

Over and out,

Allyson

Recital number two....

2011-12-27T18:34:00.000-08:00

My friend Jenee has about a million little singing groups around the valley, and luckily, she does her youngest groups out of her house, just 3 streets away from me. I love her and her great talents with the chillens. Maggie is in her group this year, and she's really loved it.

On Monday the 19th we had the big concert. It was seriously cute, and Maggie made her singin Mama proud! She knew all the words and the actions and I couldn't have been prouder.

This is my favorite. In this they are singing "Wishing on a Star" from Polar Express. In this picture Maggie is looking towards the sky for Santa. She really got into the "acting" of this song.

They're sleeping, waiting for Santa.

But awesomely, Miss Jenee surprised them with a visit from Santa.

Maggie and her besty Claire, "Dying" over the fact that right over there in the corner is SANTA CLAUSE to see THEM! Claires reaction was hysterical.

Hooray for Santa meeting number three. I love this age, because they don't even question all the different Santas they've met. Santa is JUST Santa.

And thankfully, Santa found some time for Max as well. He was so, SO pleased with his gift and his chance to see Santa.

I'm so grateful Maggie has these opportunities to sing, and dance and get to express herself. I'm not gonna lie, listening to her sing Wishing on a Star at the top of her lungs today, while standing in her play house was about one of my favorite moments ever.

Singing for Santa,

Allyson

Gingerbread House....well, an attempt.

2011-12-27T18:02:00.000-08:00

Let's just get one thing straight....I have never really decorated a gingerbread house. I've never bought a kit, or done anything. My sister Dana and her kids do them every year and they are truly masterful works of art. So, one day whilst walking through the Wal Mart, I spied a kit. And on a whim, I bought it. The kids were really excited to build the house and decorate it. I kept putting it off, until finally, we were nearly out of time. So, after Maggies first recital, we came home and got to work.

I won't lie, it was NOT pretty. Building and decorating those things are NOT my forte. Plus, my patience was a little frazzled as it was, so dealing with my young 'ens was a bit tiresome. But alas, we did it, and it looked like, well, tragic. However, the kids thought it was fun and had a good time.

Getting ready for the big "build."

Someone is reallllly excited about the candy.

It took some serious patience and restraint, but Maggie did totally decorate the Christmas Tree and Gingerbread man.

Here is our finished product.

A little tragic huh?

But, at least we did it.

One Gingerbread house down, many more to come, I'm sure.

Holiday Happies,

Allyson

Dancing Queen....

2011-12-27T17:44:00.000-08:00

Just before school started this year, I got an email from a friend telling me about this cute/quaint little dance studio that she'd taken her daughter to last year. For only thirty bucks a month Maggie could do "tap" and ballet with this woman in her darling studio she build behind her garage. Miss Melendie is truly so adorable. And, she is sooooooo great with the girls. They are learning REAL steps, but in the cutest way. Plus, best part about her, no costume/recital fees. Well, unless you call fifteen bucks a fee. That's all we pay for the kids to use 2 costumes and to help with recital costs. THAT is something I could get behind. As opposed to all the studios out there where you're shelling out hundreds of dollars on costumes and recital fees. PLUS, for the actual recital, the parents got free tickets and then the cost after that was 3 bucks for a ticket. Whereas my sister just had to spend TEN bucks per person in her family to go to her daughters recital. Just sayin.

Anyway, the big day of the recital came, and as I said, we were RUSHING home from Flagstaff and we were a crazy mess of hurry. We somehow got Maggies hair up in a bun, makeup on and tights on, sans undies. It was horrid, and there was much screaming, crying and gnashing of teeth from Maggie. And, I KNEW that once we got there and she had to put on her first costume, things were NOT gonna get any better. I'd caught a glimpse of it, and I knew that it was gonna be "scratchy." And, if we've learned nothing about Maggie, we have learned this....she does NOT do any clothing that she can feel on her skin in any way.

True to form, she FREAKED out putting it on. She cried and screamed and pouted and cried and screamed some more. I finally got her to calm down by promising her a trip to McDonalds after the recital, and reminding her that we would be decorating a gingerbread house that night, IF she could pull it together. I got her to chant "gingerbread house, gingerbread house, candy, candy, McDonalds". Somehow we got her through.

This is how she REALLY felt about this "evil", "awful" costume of horror.

Yet somehow, she pulled it off. Even if she doesn't like to lift her midget arms all the way above her head.

Now THIS costume she could get behind. She loved this because it didn't scratch her skin. And the dance was adorable to Little Toy Soldiers.

My little starlet, third from the left.

The BEST part of this came at the end. When all the other girls were running off stage, Maggie decided that she was gonna bow, TWICE. Slowly and grandly. It was hysterical. That's my little dancing queen.

All in all it was a very cute little recital. I'm pleased with her teacher and with how well the girls all did. Can't wait to see what next semester brings.

Scratchy netting and sparkly skirts,

Allyson

The Polar Express

2011-12-27T16:46:00.000-08:00

This year, Gramma Peggy decided that she wanted to treat us and the kids to a ride on the Polar Express. For which I'm grateful, cause goodness knows our bank account would never allow for that to happen.

Anyway, it was with great anticipation that the kids counted down the days until December 16th and we would get to go on the train, see Santa and most importantly, PLAY IN THE SNOW! Northern AZ had kindly obliged with massive storms earlier in the week, so there was plenty of snow to see and play with.

The big day arrived...we loaded up the van with our stuff (borrowed snow suits and all), Gramma, Auntie Julie and off we went. The drive north is quick and quite pretty. As we approached Flagstaff there was sooo much snow all over, it was beautiful to see. Williams is about 45 minutes North of Flag and that is where the magic of Polar Express is.

We arrived at our Hotel, checked in and got ourselves ready for dinner and a ride to the North Pole.

I had to bust out the kids Christmas PJ's early, because c'mon. Aint no way my kids weren't gonna look adorable for their big ride. Never mind the fact that I bought them, oh, WAY to big. Maggies pants might fit her next year, or the year after. hehehehe Oh well, they're still cute. Can I help the fact that she has midget legs, and a big belly. It proves rather difficult for the pants buying.

Anywho....some pics:

Gramma Peg gifted them some totally awesome pillow pet slippers that matched their existing pets. They were beyond thrilled.

Auntie Julie got herself some new fun PJ's for the adventure too.

Just outside the door of our hotel, their first taste of snow playing. They were so in love with it all.

Peggy treated us to a buffet dinner near the depot. After we finished we headed for the train.

Seriously....my kids were MADE for hats.

Here we are, the whole group, even if Max IS looking away.

In front of our train. The kids were super excited to get on and get the ride going.

Super excited for the cookies and hot chocolate to be passed out.

Maybe one of my FAVORITE pictures ever. Max was SORELY disappointed with the hot chocolate. He took one taste and promptly handed it away.

Even though it was 4 bajillion degrees on that train, and the group sitting next to us was getting hammered (seriously, 2 dads and 2 moms with 3 young kids and they were knocking back little liquor bottles like it was a job. So LAME!) It was ALL worth it for this moment of pure joy. They were so over the moon to see Santa.

Santa just asked if they were good kids. Max had just answered that HE was indeed a good boy, but his sister was on the naughty list. That's what he's saying in this moment of the picture. It was awesome.

The magical bells.

I'm sorry, is it just me or is that the cutest, happiest little boy you've ever seen? I truly love this pic. Well, I look tired, which I was, and hot, but all in all, it was a fun trip to the North Pole. And so worth the kids excitement. We can't thank Gramma Peg enough for her generosity in making this all happen.

The next day we promised them that we would spend a little time playing in the snow in Flagstaff. Max could NOT wait to get to Flagstaff and asked us every 5 seconds if it was time to go to FLAGSTAFF yet!

Don't even fear, we totally borrowed snow suits and boots. It was freaking fantastic. We pulled into Flag and found a fabulous little hill of snow on the college campus. And because we had snowsuits, the kids stayed totally dry and warm. That's what I call AWESOME!

It was a smidge bright out there. But, I could possibly eat them up in their gear.

All Maggie wanted to do was make snow angels. And a lot of them she made.

He tried to make a snowball. He wasn't so successful.

Now Maggie however....she nailed me. We had a little snowball fight, made snow angels, Julie made a small snowman and then it was time to hit the road.

Well, not until Daddy ate some snow first.

All in all a very lovely weekend trip. So glad we got to get away and enjoy the cold and snow and the Polar Express.

We literally jumped in the car and hauled booty home so we could make it to Maggies first dance recital in time. You'll be pleased to know we made it, JUST in the nick of time.

Choo choos and Snow angels,

Allyson

December Beginnings....Santa

2011-12-26T09:45:00.000-08:00

Oh good hell....it's December 26th already. That means 22 days of which I did NOT blog. I don't know, I just am not motivated. However, I shall try to make up for that with "short" bits from out month. I don't want to do one HUGE entry, so I'll do several small ones, whilst my chilren are out riding their new bikes and playing with the neighbors.

First, we visited Santa....at Bass Pro Shop.
WHAT? The pic is FREE! I simply refuse to pay 23 bucks for the mall Santa pic, even if it IS better.

Off we went as an entire family to the ol' Bass Pro for a little Santa lovin and merry go round riding. It was a quick, yet successful trip.

I don't know about you, but there is just something so adorable about this whole pic. We went on like a Wednesday morning or something, so there was almost noone there, only a brief wait to see "the man".

Unfortunately, this Santa was "special". In the sense that he was A. Skinny and had a pillow in his "tummy". B. He was mute. No really, totally mute. When I went to put the kids on his lap, he had this look of sheer terror on his face. He literally did not say a word to the kids. WIERD! I told the kids to tell him what they wanted.

They told him.

He nodded.

Luckily, they didn't seem to be bothered by the skinny, mute, lame Santa.

Besides....there were Reindeer

And moose to ride.

Best addition to Bass Pro for Christmas this year....the free carousel! AWESOME! If I were a cooler Mom, we woulda gone back many more times for rides. But, the kids LOVED it. After a quick look at the fishies in the tank, perhaps a small purchase of fude, we were on our way out the door. Had to take Daddy to work.

All in all a successful trip to visit Santa.

Non-jolly old elves and happy kids,

Allyson

Still Here

2011-12-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

Oh what, me? Yeah, I'm still here, STILL coughing and STILL peeing. Whatever. However, I'd like to take a moment to give Thanks to Poise Pads for saving my life. Ladies and gents, those fabulous little hourglass shaped mattress pads/diapers are some good stuff. I have felt free to cough to my hearts content, just knowing that nothing would get wet. Thanks to Julie for bringing those home to me.

Seriously though.....the cough is getting better, and the wetting less frequent, but I'm REALLY ready to be over the freaking cough and snot situation. Two weeks is really quite long enough, don't you think? Yeah, me too. In the meantime, here is what has gone down around here.

**Thanksgiving was a delightful day of family, food and fun. Won't lie, my mashed potatos were perfection.....an HOUR too early. So, by the time we made it to dinner, and everyone was eating, the stupid things had burned on the bottom in the pan. LAME! I have a real issue with timing food prep. I suck at it. Oh well. The rest of the food was perfect and delish. Tierra (the new bride) brought baked Mac'N Cheese that may or may not have been to die for. HOLY CRAP! So freaking good. Between the stuffing, potatos, rolls, mac n cheese and pretzel jello (Heaven on earth) it was a carb lovers paradise. I literally ate a teeny tiny piece of ham and I'm fairly sure that was my only protein of the day. OOPS! Oh wait, I had deviled eggs, got me some protein there as well. Anywho, not sure why, but the day seemed to fly by WAY faster than usual. We all ate, visited and laughed and then it turned into our annual singing/performing party at the piano. Even though I was sick and losing my voice, I was forced into two duets. So, noone can say I didn't do my part.

That day, whilst perusing the Black Friday ads only one thing grabbed my attention....bikes at Walmart for 35 bones. I knew I'd have to brave it, if my kids were gonna have anything good for Christmas.

Left the parentals around 6 p.m. and headed home. Then around 9 p.m. the good times began.

**At 9:00 Jer, Sabrea and I headed out for Wal-Mart (thank HEAVENS for Sabrea coming). We really had NO idea what to expect. WOW! What a crazy town that was. We walked into the store, not so bad, then you look down the main aisles and it's insanity of people all hovering around the pallet of things they are there to get. Luckily the bikes were down at the very end by the garden center door. When we got there it was pretty calm and nice around the bikes. I procured a spot right next to a very nice man and the bikes I wanted. I posted Sabrea at the boy bikes, and we waited. At this point Jer was already starting to have a panic attack because he can't handle such mass amounts of people. Plus it was a total fire hazard. No way to get around anything. I can see how people get trampled. Right, so long story short, at about 9:40 they came by and cut the plastic off the pallets and then said "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING OR YOU'LL GET KICKED OUT." Ridiculous. Then at 9:57 a voice came over the loud speaker and said "Let the shopping begin." People, I kid you not, it sounded like a bomb went off in there. It was pure and utter mayhem. One minute, calm, orderly, nice....the next, screaming, grabbing, reaching, pulling. I was RIGHT next to the bikes and still had to fight for it. Sabrea had to literally push a woman off of her who was trying to steal her bike. Then, we got our bikes, and it was worse, because you could literally NOT move in any direction. Wish I could truly explain the insanity of that moment. At this point Jere and Sabrea were in full blown anxiety attacks. I thought Jere was gonna lose it completely. And, if you ask either of them (dramatical at best) they "almost died." hahaha So, I sent them out of the store, told them to go home and I'd call when I was done. Thankfully, I got into the first line I could and I was purchased and OUT of the store by 10:30. So, in the grand scheme of things, not THAT bad. BUT, those moments of mayhem really were scarey.

**Finished my Black Friday shopping the next morning at 10:00- at Target. Noone was around, so calm and nice. I got exactly what I was looking for and no hassle. As it turns out, my kids will have a perfectly lovely Christmas, thanks to a few Black Friday deals and my dear parents who are generous.

**Stayed up until 4 a.m. Friday morning, NOT shopping but cleaning and decorating my house for Christmas. Came home from Target on Friday morning and spent the entire rest of the day finishing cleaning and decorating. My house is a Christmas/Winter Wonderland and it looks great.

**Took until Sunday to get the tree up and decorated, but well worth it. It's in front of our big front window and looks so pretty sparkling from the street.

**Friday evening the kids got to participate in a special "lighting" ceremony for some neighbors down the road. Their house makes the Grizwolds look tame. No really, it is a sight to behold. Every year they do their annual lighting ceremony and the neighborhood shows up and has hot chocolate and candy canes and visits. It was really fun, and the kids felt so cool getting to be a part of that.

**Maggie woke up Saturday morning with pink eye in both eyes. AWESOME! Max had it slightly in one eye as well. I was NOT gonna mess around with that, so I packed the kids up and off to Urgent Care we went. TWO hours later we had a prescription for eye drops, AND for strep. Yes, apparently my stealth daughter had been carrying strep for some time and failed to ever act sick or mention any throat issues. CRAZY! Did you know strep has a "smell"? Apparently it does. The Doctor said, "I smelled it on her before I tested and she came back positive." I said "Smelled?" "Do you mean that foul breath she's been sporting for a week, which is somewhere a mix between she licked a rancid garbage can and then ate poop pancakes for breakfast is STREP smell?" After the doctor stopped laughing, she said yes. So, we were all given prescriptions to fight Strep as well. Then I felt like I needed to call my entire family and apologize if any were exposed and got sick, as apparently my child was walking around with a highly contagious disease for some time. On one hand I'm grateful that my kids are "easy" sick kids, on the other.....how are they so wierd that they never act sick. In spite of it all, they still bounced off the walls, ran around and screamed like banshees. While I DID feel crappy and just wanted to lay in bed and convelesce.

**Jere contracted the sick and was pretty miserable for a day or two, but is now just fine. Julie waited until the END of this week to get it and took it a step further with bronchitus. She's an overachiever I guess.

**I have subbed a copious amount of hours at MCC in November, and I've loved it. Not only has it been a life saver monetarily, but it's just fun for me to work with the college kids. Thank goodness for my parents and Jeres Mom for all the hours of babysitting they've done. Couldn't do it without them.

**Already had church parties, and the official party season has begun. My calendar is crazy full with different parties, events, recitals, etc for the season. I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.

**Looking forward to taking the kids to the Polar Express (courtesy of Gramma Peg) on the 16th. Should be really fun, and they're really excited for it.

**Heading back to baby doctor on Monday morning. Will be BEGGING them to please give me another ultrasound, because I really MUST know what I'm having.

**Baby has finally started to move, and curiously enough, what it seems to respond to most is male voices singing. When I was subbing lessons and class, when a guy would sing, baby would start moving and kicking. One guy in particular, two different times, the most movement I've felt happened when he sang. So strange, yet cool.

And with that, I must get up and pee before the pee gets me first. Then, it's time to think about getting ready for the day and for church.

Happy Sabbath all.

It all "Depends"

2011-11-23T13:24:00.000-08:00

Fair Warning: This post comes directly from the files of TMI in Allysons life. Then again, that's why you come right? To hear inappropriate stories about hickeys, poop, boobs or what have you? Well, let's get on it then.

Let it be known I have a HUGE bladder. Like size of Texas huge bladder. I have been known to go entire days without ever gracing a porcelain throne with my grand derrier. It'll be like 10:00 at night and I sit down to "tinkle" and think....hmmmm, I haven't been to the bathroom once today. I can go entire road trips, hours in a car with no need to pee pee. Unlike other people, who shall remain nameless (cough:::jere::::cough) who seem to need to go every freaking 1/2 hour. 'Tis not to say that there haven't been some changes in my ability to hold pee in in certain situations. I mean, I HAVE had two children already, and I AM pregnant. So, jumping on a trampoline...not so much a good idea these days, even when not pregnant. A little trickle has been known to escape. A good hard laugh, cough or even sneeze, OOPS! C'mon ladies, who is with me here. Things aint the same all up in there once you've birthed things the size of large watermelons. But, I never worry about it much, 'cause I wear a panty liner, it's never so much that I need to change my pants. We simply ignore the incident and move on with our day.

Anyway, imagine my surprise and dislike when pretty much from conception of this here child in utero I have been a peeing machine. I mean really, how is it that something the size of a pin head can really disrupt your bladder THAT much. But for reals....from day one I have used the toity more than I care to admit. I'm up at least twice every night to relieve my screaming bladder. And people, it's not just a little bit. It is copious amounts of liquid I'm releasing. How is this possible? Where is it coming from. I s'pose I should be grateful my kidneys are working, but still.........

I have OTHER things to do and worry about, namely, SLEEP! Sheesh!

Now, enter the common cold and it's heinous sidekick the cough. It appeared in my life on Saturday, late in the day. By yesterday I was feeling pretty bleck and coughing a lot. Generally speaking, keeping the pee issue under control. I went to bed last night somewhere around 11:30ish. I put the warm compress around my neck, drank a bit of water, put the cough drop in my mouth, positioned myself "just so" on the pillows and attempted sleep. If I literally don't move, and barely breathe I can usually get a little sleep. Around 5 a.m. things took an ugly turn. There was no denying this baby and its position on my bladder and my neeeeeeeeed to relieve it. I painfully rolled myself out of bed, walked to the bathroom and proceeded to urinate the niagra falls of pee. I mean seriously.....WHERE does it all come from?

At this point, I attempted to go back to sleep, but rat nasty phlegm monster and his entire ugly family had been disturbed and were now ready to partay in my lungs. I began coughing and could NOT stop. After about 20 minutes I gave up and just got out of bed. I walked into the family room, blanky in hand hoping that sitting on the couch would bring some relief. NO! So, I finally just reached for the computer and looked around facebook for a bit, and then decided to catch up on some blog reading. All the while I'm reading I'm coughing, and coughing, and then coughing some more, with an occasional nose blow thrown in for good measure. Now mind you, as I cough, a bit of pee escapes. I think nothing of this. ONE because I had JUST peed the aforementioned Niagra Falls of pee, and TWO because I'm used to the minor pee escape and THREE...fresh pantyliner. All was fine. At 6:30 Julie walked out to go to work. I told her my life sucked with the cough and that I peed every time I coughed. She laughed and then left. At 6:50 Maggie came out and wanted to watch a Kids Show. I turned it on for her, finished reading a blog, coughed one more time and decided I'd get up.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.........

"oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH.MY.GOSH!"

When I stood up; what should have felt a trifle wet was really soaking like a 2 year old in mid potty training SOAKED.

I had completely and utterly 100% PEED MY PANTS...AND....THE COUCH.

How did this happen? How did I not notice what was going on? I blame the couch, it just soaked it in. Perhaps if I'd been sitting on a kitchen chair, I would have noticed Lake Pissayerpants at my feet.

You guys....responsible grownups just do NOT sit and pee their pants. No, NO they do NOT! So, not only did I have to do the walk of shame, wet pants style to my room, but I had to face a giant wet spot on.my.couch. Humiliating. Worse yet, my kids saw it. I'm just waiting for them to share this gem at Thanksgiving tomorrow. "Our Mommy peed the couch." Or worse yet, decide to just get lazy and pee somewhere and then say "Well...youuuuuuuuuu did it!"

So thanks baby in my belly, I blame you, because well, you can't defend yourself and SOMEONE has to take the blame for this epic mishap.

Now, where are those Depends my Mom tried to give me? Apparently it's time to take some action.

Wet pants and wheezing,

Allyson

Moments with Max and Maggie

2011-11-22T14:37:00.000-08:00

Well.......what can I say, my kids are freaks of nature. And, other than that, they say some really funny things. There have been a few gems lately. I s'pose the time has come to share them.

Let's begin with Maggie, shall we?

This literally happened yesterday, and trust me, I can't make this crap up.

Maggie gets in the car and notices an empty bag of sunchips on the seat.

"Mommy, did you go to Krazy Sub?"
"why?"
"I see that bag, did you go to Krazy Sub?"
"Ummm, yes."
Exasperated sigh
"Mommy, why would you do that when you're feeling sick?"
"I don't know, but it sure is making me feel sicker right now."
"Well.....you made that choice, and you shouldn't have made that choice. You know that right? You made that choice and well, now there is just nothing I can do for you. You understand that?"
"Ummm yes, I understand. I will try to remember and not do that again."
"I hope so, because that was a bad choice you made."
Rolls her eyes and walks back to her seat and buckles up for safety.

Apparently she HEARS what I say to her at times, she just fails to ever apply it to herself. But, I sure got told didn't I.

Overheard in the church bathroom on Sunday. I may have been taking a "moment" to myself in the mothers lounge. Noone knew I was in there. I hear Maggie and a teacher come in to go pottty. Maggie never stopped chattering the entire time.

"Sometimes I go on that tall potty (handicapped)"
"Well, that is for people who have trouble getting up and down from the potty."
"Yeah, but sometimes I go on there. But sometimes I go on these other ones."
"Yes, the smaller potty is better for you. But the tall one is so someone doesn't get stuck on this shorter one."
"Yeah, that happened to my Gramma Peggy once. And, it happened to my Gramma Hazel, but she died. But she's ok now, she lives.....she lives in Greer."

WHAT? Gramma Hazel is Jeres gramma and Maggie only met her when she was 5 mos. old. But she's SURE she knows her and tells me all the tiem how much she misses her. But my favorite part is, she equated her being dead and living in Heaven with living in Greer. AWESOME!

And in the off times, when she's being a pisser, she regails me with these gems....

"You, YOU just make me ANGRY alllllllll the time!"
"I'm gonna do whatever I WANT to do, because I can, I'm the boss of MYSELF!"

Oh Max....he just makes me smile.

At 3:30 this morning he wandered into our room, tapped on my bed until I said
"what Max?"
"Mommy, I need to tell you a secret."
"What?"
"I love you Mommy."
"I love you too buddy."
I waited for a minute to see if there was anything more, like a snuggle request, potty request or anything. Nope, nothing. So, I finally patted him on his head and said, go back to bed. He turned, walked out, shut my door and went back to bed. WHAT a random moment in time. Apparently that secret was crucial to his finishing his sleep.

A couple weeks ago Max and I were doing our grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. When I'm pregnant, especially this time I tend to have big blood sugar drops out of nowhere. I get dizzy and sick feeling. It tends to happen almost EVERY time I'm in Wal-Mart, which leads me to believe it has something to do with that evil place. But, I digress. So, I grabbeda Dr. Pepper and in a crazy lapse of judgement, I let Max have some. Let it be known, I NEVER let my kids drink pop, much less brown, caffenated stuff. Anyway, we ended up sharing the Dr. Pepper. When we got in the car Max requested I pass him the drink.

"Mommy, could you please give me the grown up drink, but don't put the lid on too tight."
I handed him the pop, after I'd loosened the lid a bit.
"Thanks Mommy I preciate it."
"Did you just say you appreciate it?"
"Yes. Thanks for not putting the lid on too tight."

For reals? My 3 year old just told me he appreciated me. It was awesome.

"Mom, MOMMY, I'm THIRSTED for milk."
"Do you mean you're thirsty?"
"NO, I mean I'm THIRSTED for some milk."

Ok, whatever works for you kid.

Lately, almost everytime when it's bedtime, he will say, with great conviction....
"My tummy is hungry."
"Max, we already ate dinner, and you ate this or that."
"But, BUT, my tummy says it's STILL HUNGRYYYYYYYYY."
"No Max"
And then he busts out this little ditty, while making the worlds cutest face.
"So nummy, so nummy, I think there is a cheese stick in my tummy."
It may or may not work on me. I'm just sayin.

And his latest, favorite saying for everything.....

"Holy CHEMICALS!"
He really thinks he's saying something cool, and frankly, it cracks me up everytime.

Mostly, I needed to write these things down so I can come back and read them when I'm ready to drop kick one of them for being wild freaking banshee screamers of insanity. Oh yes, yes it does go down like that around here far more than I like to admit.

Sillies and Sanity,

Allyson

Event Decorating....Who ME?

2011-11-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

We were all sitting around at my parents house, having a little meeting about Greer 2012, when talk turned to my nephews upcoming wedding. Dana started discussing "assignments" for the grooms dinner and the reception. When there it was...."Allyson, would you decorate for the dinner?"

I won't lie, I may have peed a little in my pants. I mean, I get it....I have people fooled into believing I have some modicum of home decorating ability. I may have done a few modest thrifty makeovers or whatever. Let these people believe I know what I'm doing. But EVENT DECORATING? Holy crap, that is a completely different ballgame people.

Anywho, I was rather nervous, not gonna lie. What the hoody hoo was I gonna do? (besides totally be a poet there, did you see what I did? HA) So, I have a fabulous friend, who I will speak of in a moment, that has an insanely fabulous wall of clocks. I lurve it sooooo much. I was dropping Maggie off for a play date and I saw the wall o' clocks again and I thought....."clocks, I wanna do something with clocks." Then I decided, I really wanna make the centerpieces clocks inside apothecary jars.

Then Dana said, what should I do for table covering, my friend has such and such. I went with black table cloths and green center cloths, so the dishes could be green. And I told Dana what my idea was....would you believe.....as it turns out, she was planning on singing a song from the musical "Big" called "Stop Time." AND that Tierra was currently in a show that used the theme of clocks and time and was amazing. AND......to top it off, Bryson has a total obsession with clocks. HELLO. Can we say inspired? I felt like perhaps it was. And then, because Dana is Dana....she decided to name the entire evening "Moments in Time" and had a program with time themes. It was awesome.

Ok, so pictures, that's all you care about right? My apologies for NOT the best quality of pics. Trust me when I say it was a lot better in person. But first I have to say, I could NEVER have done this without my friend Stacie Brinkerhoff. She is RIDICULOUSLY gifted with decorating. She packed up pieces of her house, her entire wall of clocks and her genius mind and helped me decorate the place. Also, must say thanks to Brysons StepMom Alison for raiding her studio and Domestic Bliss for pillows on the bench, chalk boards, easles and a few other random pieces that tied it all together. Also, thanks to my friend Kalli for her vintage clock collection that made it into the jars and on the shelves. Well, thanks to everyone that loaned me clocks, jars, dishes, etc. This would NOT have happened without amazing and giving friends.

Just a couple of shots of BEFORE. Except really these were taken AFTER we cleaned up. But, you see the "lovely" I had to cover up to make it pretty in there.

Don't worry, I totally nailed those bad boys into the wall. What? I had a vignette to create. Those are Stacies clocks, my sisters chair, Alisons lamp. See, total group effort.

That bench....Stacie found it on the side of the road, SIDE OF THE ROAD for FREE! Old doors, courtesy of Stacie, pictures of Bryson and T printed out by me. Pillows from Alisons raiding of the basement.

Drink table.

Crepe table. It wasn't set up, so I just focused on, well, the focal point. That GIANT frame, Stacie found on the side of the road, FOR FREE! I went and bought the letters, wrapped the J in ribbon and added the ribbon to the other two.

Close up of one of the centerpieces.

For whatever reason, the dumb computer wont let me upload the one picture I want to of the food table. So, this will have to do. It was a delicious dinner of Cafe Rio Salad, which is sweet pork, cilantro lime rice, black beans, cheese, lettuce, cilantro ranch dressing in a taco shell. All the food was made by Dana and her neighbors and friends and it was fab.

This is an advice board. People would fill out a little card and stick it in an envelope. Then, my brother and bro. in law were the "MC's" of the evening and they were reading the advice. Some of it was quite hilarious.

Me and the cute newlyweds. Don't worry, I did totally match the decore. Whatever, it's cool.

All in all everything turned out absolutely perfectly. The "theme" was perfect and everyone had a good time. In the end, I'm glad Dana asked, it was a fun experience and I was just happy I could help and contribute in some way.

Good times,

Allyson

A "love" story...Part 2

2011-11-16T13:15:00.000-08:00

This guy......THIS GUY! What can I even say? He has, apparently, a vast capacity to fall in love, and cause people to fall in love. Even with goofy faces, silly stories and ridiculous joke telling abilities. Must be the eyes. His story goes a little something like this:

At the reception there was a delicious food buffet of soups and salad. Max was hungry, as he told me he was. So, I went to grab a plate for him and one for me. I dutifully picked out a bread bowl, ladled his soup, got some fruit and then turned to find him. There he was, with a beautiful Asian girl, who he had apparently asked to get him food. She was leaning down handing him his plate, when in his best flirt he asked if she would please sit by him. She smiled and kindly turned him down, as she needed to sit with her friends. He sadly walked away with me and somehow got through his dinner.

I won't lie, there was a lot going on at the reception, and there was the GREATEST play area for kids that they mostly lived in, so I didn't pay much attention as to where or what Max was doing. Apparently.....he was making the moves on his new infatuation, lovely Alfreda. I hear that he made her hold him, dance with him, carry him around, etc. for most of the night. And, she was all to willing to do so. So, the end of the night comes, and I do mean the END of the night. It was just past 10 p.m. the bride and groom had just driven away and it was time to say goodbye.

Alfreda gave Max loves and told him thanks for being her little man for the night. He was NOT having it. He pouted with the best of them.

I know it LOOKS like he's smiling, but he's not. It took three tries, but we finally got a picture of him not crying, or looking at the ground. Everyone, meet Alfreda, the love of Maxs life.

After this picture Alfreda has the audacity to, you know, leave. The weeping, wailing, sobbing and gnashing of teeth that ensued was something you would not believe. I'm not kidding. He was unconsolable. HUGE crocodile tears, loud sobbing. I thought it would surely end quickly, because he'd fall asleep. NOPE! A full 3 miles and 10 minutes later he was still carrying on. As we approached the freeway onramp I saw a police car with its lights flashing. I said, "Hey Max, there's a police car over there. Should I call him and tell him you're disturbing my peace?" He instantly shut up. It was beautiful. And I thought, ok, that's the end of that. Moving on.

Fast forward.....it's now 7:30 a.m. on Saturday. We are laying in bed when Max comes wandering in. And literally, this is how the conversation went.

"Mommy, I'm crying just a little bit." "I'm just crying a little."

"Why Max, what's wrong?"

"I'm sad that my GIRLFRIEND had to leave."

what the what?

Jere starts giggling and says...."did he just say that?" I said, yes, and then we both hid our faces in the covers and laughed uncontrollably.

But Max wasn't done. Nope, not done at all.

He stood there and continued to lament the loss of HIS girlfriend. Why couldn't she stay here, why couldn't she come over to our house, etc. And in the midst of his grieving he asked what her name was. I told him it was Alfreda, and then he decided not only did he need Alfreda, but he needed a toy.

At this point I turned to Jere and said, "seriously....these are the conversations I wish we could have recorded. It's all too ridiculous to be real."

So he whips out his phone and begins recording. Please, take the 57 seconds to watch this, SO worth it.

See, he just wanted to keep "that girl" here.

Obviously we needed to "interrupt" Brysons honeymooning so we could find out who this Alfreda was. He kindly let us know her last name and we found her on facebook. But not before I'd found pictures of her attending a party after the reception the night before. I pulled up a pic of just her face and then I called Max over and said....hey Max, who is this?

In a whispered, hushed tone of reverence he said....Alfredaaaaaaaaaa.

He continued by saying..."I held that girl, she held me in her arms, oh that's because I was so tired."

Then he asked me if she could please come out of the computer. I explained that that wasn't possible. To which he responded by raising his hands to the screen and chanting...

"ala kazam, ala kazam, ala, ala, ala kazam." With a flourish of his hands he was finished. MUCH to his disappointment she didn't appear before him. I told him I was sorry it hadn't worked out. He asked "well, can she just at least come to our house sometime?" I was non committal in my response. And off he went to pout his loss some more.

Now, if you ask him "Hey Max, who is Alfreda?"
He shrugs, gets an impish grin and says...."my girlfriend."

We let Alfreda know of her powers over our child, and she in turn told us of HIS powers over her. Seems it was a true love story after all.

She wrote to tell me that if anyone had asked her a week ago if she wanted children, she would have said NO. But, Max had made her change her mind. She was now open to the idea. Then, after a couple more exchanges, she wrote again and said....

I don't think you understand. I was so against having children, and Max has totally changed my mind. So much so, I've been looking up different variations of the name Max bc I'm considering naming my first born as a tribute to the kid that made me change my mind. That's what your son has done to me, in just one fleeting night no less.

Thank you again for letting me have him for that night!

How awesome is that?

My kid finds true love, AND helps another kid make it to earth when Alfreda so chooses to procreate.

Yep........Love, true love is what bwings us together today.

Question is....should I be worried here? WHY is my 3 year old so obsessed with girlfriends? I think I'm gonna have to velcro him to my hip for his teenage years, 'cause this aint looking to promising.

Love stories and lollipops,

Allyson

A Love Story....in two parts

2011-11-15T20:56:00.000-08:00

PART 1:

Once upon a time there was a boy named Bryson born. He was the first grandchild, nephew, etc. born into our family. To say he was loved, slobbered and adored upon would be an understatement. Bryson, as it turns out was all kinds of smart and geniusy and musical and adorable. He grew up to be a super smart, incredibly kind, highly caring, ridiculously gifted piano player and singer and a GOOD BOY! He went off to Argentina to serve a mission, where he learned spanish like a pro, made all the people love him and served as an assistant to the President. When he came home, there was MUCH celebrating. He told his Mom that he would like to be married in a year from his arrival home.

He almost made it. It was a year and 4 months.

While at BYU, a girl in his choir told him she wanted to set him up with her friend....Tierra. He said, ok, great. Then, he decided to try and facebook find this Tierra, and did a search. Up pops this picture.

This Tierra was starring as Motormouth Maybell in a production of Hairspray. Bryson was so excited, because apparently....he loved that she was black, and gorgeous. So, he friend requested her. She had no idea who he was, and said so. But, they began talking on facebook, back and forth for a couple weeks. Finally, he went to see her show. He had to leave at intermission, but went backstage and tracked her down. They met briefly. Then, he called and asked her out. They went out, 2 days in a row. And then, they were pretty much inseperable. And then, as it turns out.....she was NOT the Tierra that the girl meant to set him up with at all. Happenstance, or serendipity had stepped in and instead, he'd met THIS Tierra. The Tierra that is a singer, actress, sassy New Yorker, wonderful, good hearted, strong, confident woman, that fits in perfectly with our family. And soon they were madly, deeply, head over heels in love. In just a short time, he asked her to marry him.

Then, on Nov. 11, 2011..........they got married. It was a lovely ceremony and an even lovlier reception/party. They're adorable together, and oh so happy. Therefore, I am so happy for them.

That's my lovely sister Dana, the mother of Bryson. And her wee "bonus" baby Jayce. Almost a full 20 years younger than Bryson.

I'd show you more shots of the reception....but apparently blogger doesn't want me to, because it won't upload ANY of my other pictures. UGH!

Suffice it to say, it was a gorgeous backyard, complete with a dancing/performance outdoor space, the coolest kids playground EVER and more.

Tierra sang a song to Bryson, Bryson sang to Tierra (I may have totally cried, it was so amazing) and the Tierras girlfriends did 2 of the coolest dances I've EVER seen. It was soo fun. After that was a lot of dancing (of which I only watched) and visiting. All in all, a perfect night for a perfect couple.

Tomorrow I bring you Part 2 of the love story......which involves 2 other parties entirely.

The Case of the Naughty Baby

2011-11-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

I would just like to say.....for the record....I am NOT a very patient person. No really, it is NOT on my list of good qualities. Nowhere to be found really. In my patriarchal blessing (a really amazing blessing giving to members of our church) it admonishes me to develop the quality of patience. Hmmmm, FAIL!

The problem is, if I want something, I really WANT it THEN. Right here and NOW! I no likey to wait even 5 minutes, much less months for whatever it is I'm after. If I've decided on something....oh good hell, get out the way, 'cause I'm coming for it. And if I don't get what it is I want. LOOK OUT! I am NOT a very happy camper.

I know, I suck. I get it. I realize this is NOT a very endearing thing about me. I need to work on it. However, as it's still a problem I have, today is one of those moments where Mama ain't too happy.

You see.....I went in for my little Doctors visit. Not expecting anything but a little measure measure and a listen to the heartbeat. That's all I was scheduled for. Not gonna lie, I've been a little nervous, feeling like something would be wrong. So, when the Doctor comes sauntering in (a full 35 minutes late, good thing I like him) and sits down, checks out my chart and says...."18 weeks, hmmm, I'm surprised you're not having an ultrasound. This is the time we usually do it." I was like "Ummm, I TRIED to tell them that when I was scheduling this. I suggested I make an appt. for the ultrasound. They told me NO, you had to order it." He rolled his eyes and said, I'll go talk to her and we'll get you in. So, HOORAY. I went from no ultrasound, to woopdy doo, an ultrasound and finding out the sex of my baby. WOO HOO!!

Doctor heard the heartbeat. I only gained THREE lbs. since my last visit. Yay for me! And then he sent me out to the lobby to drink water and fill my bladder up to bursting. I swear to Buddah this is the last known doctors office on earth that still uses that outdated method. Noone needs full bladders anymore. Technology has sorta surpassed the need for the pee pee dance. Nevertheless, I did as I was told. I gulped down nearly my whole water bottle, and 1/2 hour later, when I thought I would DIE from the pain in my bladder, we were called back. Max was with us, and thankfully he was in rare, cute, happy form. I got up on the table and said "Let's DO this."

Now, this ultrasound tech is nice enough. Really, she is. But, she is just NO Betty (Maggies ultrasound tech). Man I loved that woman, she was AWESOME! This lady...meh. So, she gets to work. Starts prodding around. We got some fine shots of the babys face, it's creepy skeletal eyeballs and opening mouth. Excellent shots of its "huge" brain, beating heart, abdomen, legs, arms, everything. This baby is doing quite well....growing, moving, everything it should.

HOWEVER......what it is NOT doing well is sharing it's little sexual secrets. Little missy/mister whats its face REFUSED to uncross it's legs and show us what was going on in the down under. She tried for a good 15 minutes and NOTHING. Not even a real hint. As you can imagine, this did NOT make Mama very happy.

Basically I ended up with a couple shots like this (which is another reason I don't like this ultrasound chick. She literally only gives us 2 or 3 pics, that's it).

random shot I borrowed from google images.

But really, my pirate eye picture of my baby looks a lot like this.

Nice and all, but C'MON!

I'm used to Maggie who from her very first ultrasound laid in the womb like a hooker. Her legs were always completely spread eagle. There was never ANY question as to what she was. In fact, when she was born, she never once held herself in the fetal postion. She came out with her legs spread, and well.......she still sleeps that way. I think I'm gonna have to watch taht girl, ifyaknowwhatimean.

And Max, well, he was free with his jewels as well. No question. Just "look ma, it's my dingy."

So here I am, child three and now I don't get to know. NOT OK. I'm dying. I NEEEEEED to know. I need to be able to pin down a name. I have to know what clothes to pull out of storage and wash and get ready. I need to know so I can start day dreaming about room decore. I mean seriously.....super important stuff here. (hehehe)

Needless to say, THIS baby is on my crap list currently speaking.

Lamey ultrasound tech said MAYBE they'd do another one at 28 weeks. Excuse me? WHAT? I have to wait 2 1/2 more months to maybe find out. Well, you can see how this is so NOT working for my patience factor.

Furthermore, I said to the doctor "Ummm, I'm like super old here. Like considered "elderly" (yeah, they used that term to refer to my uterus). Shouldn't I be getting ultrasounds every single time you see me? You know, to make sure the cobwebs up in there aren't smothering the baby? FO REALS! He just smiled at me and moved on. RUDE!

There you have it.......one impatient Mama, and one NAUGHTY baby makes for good times at the VP's.

And so......we wait.

Crossed legs and cross mamas,

Allyson

Halloween Happenings

2011-11-01T15:51:00.000-07:00

What? Ok FINE! I may have had an actual good time this year. So what, let's get over it. It's no secret that I'm not a fan of this lame brained holiday. It shouldn't surprise you that EVERY day I had to talk Maggie out of her tree when she'd notice everyone else seemed to be decorated for this Holiday and we weren't. She would say "WHY aren't WEEEEEE decorated?" I would say, "because weeeeee don't care." And then she'd say, "yes we do, let's just go home and decorate." Uh sorry kid.....2 plastic pumpkins do NOT for Hallowed Eve decore make. Anywho....the Trunk or Treat came and went and then the big actual Halloween Night came. Once again, our friend the costumer came through and bequeathed us (and by us I mean maggie) with a truck load of costume options. Max had 2 options, but only had his heart set on one. He was gonna be Super Guy, and that was all there was to that. Jere had a couple of options as well, and I'll just let pictures do the talkin.

Oh wait, let me back up for uno momento and say......Maggie had a "fall festival" at school. And, well....let's just say I was SORELY missing Miss Ranelle and her rocktastic Halloween extravaganza that she put on for her preschool. This "festival" was tragic at best. In the classroom, with some anemic looking cookies to decorate, a sad little pumpkin painting station, some semi face paintig and then clean up, drink some warm apple juice, eat your cookie and listen to teacher read a story. SAD! On the upside, Max thought it was "great" that he got to go to Maggies school and hang out for a bit. So, at least there was that.

His exact words were "That was SO great." I guess he's better off not remembering what we had last year.

Alrighty then...Saturday night brought us to trunk or treat. We went to our old wards, and then made our way to my parents HUGE Halloween Carnival at their church. The kids had a ball, and we were all WORN OUT by the end of the night. This was the night Maggie chose to be Minnie Mouse and Max was, well, Super Guy. DUH!

I had to include this because it is SO typical Max. That kid is a crazy nutt.

This one because.....they're cute.

Maggie is such a little poser. You should see the others where she posed herself.

On Halloween, before we went out, we had a very special visit from Rapunzel. The kids were pretty excited. Look at Maxs face, he was so enamored.

Maggie chose to be the snow princess for Halloween Night. She looked lovely.

Max was Super Guy again, and Jere was Spongebob. Would you believe I failed to take even one pic of him? My bad! He looked pretty cute.

So, Jere came in and pouted and threw a big HUGE baby fit, insisting that I dress up. I told him "I DON'T DRESS UP. EVER." Why? he asked. Because, I HATE it. It makes me feel awkward. And it's OK if I don't. He would NOT back down. So, rather than listen to him cry about it all night and continue to throw fits, I put on a stinkin costume. Won't lie, I felt like the biggest retard EVER at first. But, by the end of the night, it wasn't so bad. Shhh, don't tell HIM!

This was my half smile, "I wanna kill you" look. You shoulda seen me try and sit in that petti skirted get up. Almost literally ended up ass up in the neighbors yard at one point. THAT was fun.

Ok, so we went and trick or treated around in our old neighborhood for a bit, saw friends, and generally had a good time. Our friends Krys and Melissa brought their two girls and went with us. After we finished gathering free candy we went over to our new neighbors for a bbq on their driveway. It was soooo fun. Such a nice evening. The kids running around and playing and having fun, while we sat around and ate and visited. Don't judge....but it was 10:00 before we headed across the street to our house and I threw the kids into the shower and then bed. Pretty sure they were asleep before their heads fully hit the pillow. All in all, a fun and successful Halloween.

And finally.....I leave you with these gems. This beaute of a pic and costume idea was Jeres creation.

Jeres version of Snow Whites Before and After

Before marriage and kids, and AFTER!

He is wrong on just so many levels? No? But Maggie, she looks cute. hahahahaha

Anywhodle.....hope your Halloween was fantastical and fun in every way.

Candy and Comas,

Allyson

Letters to the Editor 3rd Edition (or something like that)

2011-10-31T15:02:00.000-07:00

Well....I was just sitting here on the couch, taking a moment to myself after putting the kids down (for the100th time in the last hour) and was thinking.....ya know, maybe I should write some letters. It could have to do with the fact that I HATE KIM KARDASHIAN, or that the weather makes me grouchy, or whatever. And so, here goes nothing.

Dear Arizona,

I love you, your mountains, your rivers, your streams.....however A word please. It is NOT ok that the temp is hovering in the 90's on OCTOBER 31ST. NOT ok. Not ok that I nearly broke a sweat in my own house upon arriving home this afternoon. Even more irritating is the fact that I had to turn my air on, AGAIN. If you keep this up for even one more minute, I'm going to have to break up with you.

Unhappily yours,

Sweating in Mesatown

Whilst on the subject.....

Dear Mother Nature,

YOU SUCK! Why do you think it's even remotely fair to slam the East Coast with snow storms, Utah and beyond with cold and rainy weather, the midwest with fall and leave those of us here in the Southwest to bake into shriveled up pieces of jerky? Spread the freaking wealth. I don't see why we couldn't all just enjoy an even 68 degrees of lovliness. What did we ever do to you?

Sick of your rudeness,

Burnt and bitter in AZ

Dear Americans,

And by Americans, I mean those that buy hook line and sinker into pop culture and force "normal" people like me to be bombarded with the sheer stupidity and annoyingness of Kim Kardashian EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I open my computer. WHO CARES! Why does anybody give her, her family or anyone like her more than a nanosecond of thought. They are NOTHING. They offer nothing. For the love, at least Paris Hilton had a sex tape and a few horrible acting gigs under her belt (I am mildy embarrassed and pained in my heart that I just in some tiny way defended Paris Hilton). This Kardashian girl has nothing but a bubble butt and stupidity, and yet, AND YET she gets more freaking media time than Presidential hopefuls. So she's getting divorced....I DON'T CARE. Nor am I even remotely surprised. There is nothing genuine or real about her, or her family. Attention whores, that is all they are....and stupid Americans feed that, watch their shows, buy their crap and make them richer than they already are.
Please, for the love of all that's good and Holy...........STOP allowing them a platform. Please don't make me see or hear about them anymore, for I fear I will have to pull my face off and stab pencils in my ears soon.

Disgustedly yours,

"Normal" American

Dear "Real Housewives" of any town or county,

You are neither real, nor housewives!
Moving on!

Dear Biggest Loser,

Anna Kournakova? REALLY? Snore. Tragic misstep.
Dolvette.....why thank you, thank you very much for THAT eye candy.

Lovingly,

Allyson

Dear Maggie,

You're only four, WHY must you act like your 14 and question every.single.thing I say or do? It's disconcerting at best, and it freaks me out for the future. And also, when you roll your eyes at me and flair your nostrils, it only makes me want to WIN more. Just sayin.

Your Mommy

Dear baby inside me,

Thank you for the excuse to eat copious amounts of carbs. You're the BEST!!!

With love,

Your Mommy

Dear Costco Pumpkin Pie,

Why must you be so delicious and so tempting to me? Thank you for the added 5 lbs. I'm sure I've gained because of your creamy delictableness.

Thundering thighs,

Me

Dear Halloween,

I'm over you. Can we PLEASE move on. I don't care if I ever see another fun size piece of candy, ghost, goblin or gouhl again.

Scroogey Vampira

Ok then, I think I'm good for now. And don't even worry. I will totally post pics of my kids and all their ridiculous adorableness in their costumes tomorrow. I mean, I may hate Halloween, but I'm not SUCH a horrible Mom that I don't dress the kids up and let them score some candy of their own. Please!

That one time when Max turned THREE!

2011-10-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

Right...........so this guy:

This particular shot was taken on a day when it was 110 degrees outside, IN SEPTEMBER. Max was just apparently REAL desperate to make some cool weather happen.

October 20th was the big day, and Max had really been looking forward to it. Mostly because I told him when he turned THREE he could get out of his dumb carseat and ride in a booster seat. I mean really.....the kid weighs 40 lbs. and is nearly 6 ft. tall as it is. And also, because he was pretty sure he was gonna have a rockin party in the pool with all his cousins. Sorry kid, can't win 'em all. So, he was counting down the days.

When I asked him what he wanted, he had but one simple request....a hoopaloop. I asked again, he exasperatedly said...."that's all I want Mom, a HOOPALOOP." Right, ok then. Your wish is my command. Except, I couldn't just leave it at that, there HAD to be something else. After perusing the aisles of Wal-Mart at 11:30 p.m. the night before his birthday, in my pj's (what, I like to fit in) I realized something. Buying presents sucks. There is just nothing worth getting. They're so over everything 5 minutes after you give it to them, or it gets broken, or forgotten, or whatever. After much "agonizing" we finally settled on a little "Lightning the queen" car that talks and a balloon, OF COURSE. I set the stuff out on the island for him to discover the next morning.

The big day arrived, he woke up bright and early, but that was just because he had to pee. But, he noticed a sliver of sunlight peeking through the dark morning sky and decided he should be awake as well. We meandered out to the living room so I could turn on a kids show. As we approached the kitchen, he stopped short as his sleepy eyes took in the hoopaloop draped over the barstool. He looked at it, looked at me, and then asked..."is that a balloon?" "Is it for me?" I assured him that yes indeed, the balloon, AND the hoopaloop were for him and sang him a little happy birthday tune. He was so thrilled he could barely take it. I tried to get him to contain it, as we were all still wanting, and or were asleep. He tried, he really did, but it was a lot for his newly 3 year old self to keep in. Pretty soon he was waking Maggie up with the thrilling news of his blinky, lightup hoopaloop. And then he was in our room, waking up Daddy and sharing the good news. He played with it and carried his car around all morning.

While Maggie was at school Max and I hung out and then, we picked her up and met a friend over at Peter Piper for some Birthday pizza and playing.

Proudly showing off his "haul" hehe

There is just something so disturbing about this picture.

There, that's much more like it.

Trying to get those darn fingers to cooperate and show us he's THREE

Auntie Julie brought home a wee perfect cake and another balloon.

All was well with the world.

We sang, he blew out, we ate.

We are just that simple and lazy people.

BUT, it works for us. And my kids are none the wiser.

Gramma Peggy came over and brought him this super cool truck toy and some cute clothes. She's the BEST for keeping my kids supplied with pj's. Seirously, I look forward to their bdays and Christmas, 'cause I know they'll be good to go in pajamas for awhile.

After Gramma Peggy left, and we were coming off a cake high, and bathing the kids, my phone rang and it was my parents. They were there to wish the big guy a Happy Day and bring him his birthday cash.

My parents give cold hard cash to the grandkids (we older kids get checks....JUSt as good) and a sweet card. Maggie asked, "Why don't they give us REAL presents like Gramma Peggy?" I informed her that theres was even better in some ways. With their money, they could buy whatever they wanted, or take themselves to Jump Street. HELLO. This made her eyes light up, 'cause she got it.

Anywho....had a lovely visit with the parentals, fed them some dinner and then they were on their way.

All in all, it was a perfectly grand third birthday for my little Maximus Prime.

A few thoughts on my boy:

He still melts my heart, on a daily basis. Even when he's SO naughty and or so crazy impulsive, and or mean...there is still such a sweet little boy in there that loves his Mommy so much.

He LOVES milk, cereal, mac n cheese, hot dogs, pizza, yogurt and cheese. But, he is NOT so much a fan of bread, any veggie or most things I make for dinner. He'd rather go hungry, and sometimes has, than eat what I put in front of him. Pretty sure he'd live on yogurt and cheese if I let him. But I won't lie....when he comes out sometimes after he's gone to bed and says, "but my tummy says it's still hungry" it kills me and I may or may not have snuck him graham crackers or other things.

He ADORES his sister and wants to be with her, play with her, tease her, beat her, take care of her, etc. at all times. I fear that as she gets older and starts being more and more annoyed with him, his little heart will be broken many times over.

He's obsessed, OBSESSED I tell you with doorbells. He must ring ours at least 400 times if he ever gets outside to do it. Can't go into my parents house without ringing theirs a few times as well.

He's so verbal and so smart. Yesterday he was trying to tie a ribbon around his ankle, and asked me to help. I was getting ready and couldn't right then, and he said, "But Mom, I'm having some real problems." It cracks me up when he uses such grown up thought/terms.

Today was our primary program and the little nursery kids (Maxs age) were s'posed to go up and sing one song. He is crazy clingy to me when it comes to church, so I had to go up and sit in the front. Anywho, he went up and the kids were singing, and all he could do was grab at the mike. When it was all over, and I went to get him down, he threw the HUGEST fit and cried "I wanted to sing BABY BABY five times." Needless to say he was none to pleased that he missed his opportunity with the microphone.

Anyway....we love this crazy, busy, never stops moving, never stops talking, throwing, hitting, making silly faces, playing, loving, etc. little boy!

Here is to another year of learning, growing and loving.

Big Boys and Birthday Balloons,

Allyson

Houston.....we have got a problem!

2011-10-18T15:27:00.000-07:00

So Max. He will be 3 on Thursday. He is beautiful, and adorable, and sweet, and silly and funny, super smart and absolutely the most obstinate, naughty little boy EVER!

Seriously......some days I'm just at my whits end with him. Because, if he isn't beating up Maggie in some way, then he's throwing anything and everything he can get his hands on, because in his own words "Mommy, I have to throw, because I have a throwing arm."

If he's not throwing, then he's working on opening something he shouldn't. Because, again, in his words he has: "magical powers."

If he's not doing that then he's tantruming to an extreme. Yelling at me, telling me I'm the MEANEST Mommy EVER! And that might be because I wouldn't let him have a cookie for breakfast, or I didn't allow him to open the garage door, or whatever.

But the biggest issue of late is......his mouth. He is definitely learning and stretching his verbal skills, daily. He asks me every day if certain phrases are ok or not. He really likes to say Freak out, all the time, for everything. It's funny. Or, what the freak out. And he also really likes to say crap, A LOT. Sometimes, I won't lie, it's kinda funny to hear him say, others....not so much. It amazes me how much he knows and picks up.

Last night he came in to me and said...."Mommy, I can't find my Woody jammies. I'm....dust-appointed. I asked, "you're DISappointed?" And he nodded his head and said "Yeah, I'm DUSTappointed." Amazing.

However, his single biggest current obsession is "what the hell," and "oh my G.O.D" (have NO idea why taht one, as we absolutely NEVER say that here, and find it super offensive). No matter how many times we talk to him, punish him, discuss, threaten, plead, it doesn't matter. When we ask WHY he keeps on saying them, even after he gets punishment, he says "because I want to." But Heaven forbid anyone ELSE say anything along those lines. He immediately puts them in their place and informs them they are NOT allowed to say that.

Example: We were sitting at an IHOP (never do that, it was disgusting) eating breakfast. There was a girl and a guy sitting in the booth behind us. Max was standing up, playing around when he apparently heard her say "Oh my God." He turns to her and yells, "You can't say that, you can't say Oh my god." She was like "uh, I didn't? Did I? I'm so sorry." And kept apologizing. We were dying laughing, and apologizing to her for his verbal policing. He polices everyone who says stupid, hate, hell, whatever. It's just ok for HIM to say it, because he "wants to." Heaven help me.

Anywho....the real reason for todays post. A little something that happened last night.

As you may or may not know, Jere is directing A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To the Forum at MCC. He's been in tech rehearsals for the last week and 1/2, so I've been taking him dinner every night. Most of the time the kids come with me and they've seen bits of the show. Last night I let the kids stay and watch the first act because it was their first run through with full hair/makeup and costumes. If you know nothing about this show...there are courtesans (hookers if you will) and they are scanticly clad. To my kids, anyone with any form of skin showing is "NAKED". So, the girls had been on and off the stage beforehand and apparently Max had taken notice. In the show, they come out in the opening number and then disappear for a good while. After watching for a bit Max started saying "When will the naked girls come out?" "Where are the naked girls?" I told them they'd be coming soon, and sure enough, they did. The moment they were out, he sat with rapt attention and watched. Their scene was soon over and the show went on. After another long while, he came to me and said..."WHEN will the naked girls come out?" "WHERE are the naked girls?" I told him they were in their house. "When will they come out of their house?" I asked "Max, do you love the naked ladies?" To which he did his best embarassed/flirt face where he shrugs his shoulders up and smiles then said "Yes."

Seriously? My three year old has the hots for the "naked" ladies. This worries me.
Houston, we definitely have a problem!!

Blindfolds and ear plugs,

Allyson

Busy Town

2011-10-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

So, I just finished paying a pile of bills, which successfuly sucked my account and my happiness dry. Seriously, why does being a grown up and paying bills have to just be SO LAME!

UGH!

Anyway....just thought you'd all like to know that the crud was fairly short lived around here. Thank goodness. Especially because I have a freakshow of a son who REFUSES, I mean, eyes rolld back in his head, kick ,scream, run for his ever loving life, REFUSES to take medicine. It's quite a nightmare. Needless to say, we only got ONE dose of the oral steroid in his mouth and 2 of the antibiotic. Apparently, for future medicinal needs, I'll have to ask the doctors to shoot him up. OY!

Last week was October Break around here. Wish I could say we did anything fun or exciting. But, we didn't. Well ok, one day we went out to my sister Jennys and then went to Peter Piper with her kids and my other Sister Dana showed up with her boy and the kids had a blast for a couple hours. THAT was fun. I truly enjoy just hanging out with my sisters and chatting. Other than that...not much to report.

I've also done quite a bit of subbing at the college in the last 2 weeks. I so LOVE to teach college kids. I've done private lessons and the Broadway Solos class. I really, absolutely love it. And I love the extra money it will provide. Blessings from above I tell you. I will get to do more in the next few weeks as my boss is undergoing chemo and it's just really hard on her. I wish she wasn't having to go through this, it sucks. The good news is, only 2 more rounds and she should be good to go.

I've been taking care of my parents dogs for 2 weeks. That's a good time. NOT! I must love them, 'cause I certainly don't like dogs, or animals of any kind. But, we traipse over there once a day to feed them and make sure they have water and are all still alive. No worries, they're all still alive.

Saturday I had a garage sale. It was my first one ever. It was a lot of work, and completely wore me the heck out. I can't really complain. I made a couple hundred dollars, got rid of crap I didn't want around, took a bunch more to D.I. (that is the Mormon equivelant of Goodwill) and kept some other decorating stuff for future use. I REALLY needed that money, you know, to pay that stack of bills. Plus, Maxs birthday is next week.

"Hey Max, what do you want for your Birthday?"

"A HOOPALOOP!"

"Anything else?"

"Nope. JUST a hoopaloop."

Hooray, my kid wants a dollar hula hoop. I can handle it. A cake and a hula hoop and he's officially 3 years old. Oh, and also, he's SUPER stoked, because when he turns three he gets to move to a booster seat. Woo hoo! Whatever, the kid is 40 lbs. 3 1/2 ft. tall and just plain BIG!

Anywho......I did the sale all by my lonesome because Jere was off at rehearsal and Julie had to work. The kids were good little helpers, if by helping you mean, playing with the merchandise and trying to steal money. Whatever.

Speaking of Jere and rehearsal. He's had tech rehearsals EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT for a week, and he will every night this week too. He directed "A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Forum", and they open this Thursday. It should be a cute show. Love the set, and some of the costumes. So, I've taken it upon myself to deliver him dinner every night which has been pretty fun. The kids LOVE to go to the theatre and see Daddy and spend a few minutes with him. I love that he's not spending money we don't have on food. See, win-win!

And finally....we were asked to speak in church yesterday. The topic was our duty as parents to our children, in teaching them the gospel, etc. It was a great topic and I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to figure out what to say. I thought about it all week, and in true Allyson fashion, I wrote it Sunday morning. Luckily I got to introduce us as well, since we were new in the ward. Things were running a smidge behind, there were 2 youth speakers and a musical number before even I spoke. The guy told us we'd speak 10 - 12 minutes, which seems like FOREVER. Anyway, before I went up, Jere started to have a major anxiety attack, because he forgot to take a Xanax before we left. He wanted to leave and get one. I told him to GET A HOLD OF HIMSELF! He would be fine. So, I stood up and I started talking. I swear to you, it seemed like I was only up there for like 8 minutes. It went so fast. Except, that when I was just about finished, I happened to look at the clock, and I'd been up there TWENTY MINUTES. I had taken all the rest of the time. There was literally NO time for Jere to speak. OOPS! I felt like such an idiot! So, Jere stood and bore a very quick and VERY spastic testimony and then the choir sang. AWKWARD! The only upside was, I guess my talk was pretty ok, at least that's what people told me, and Jere was truly happy and relieved he got out of it. Sheesh! At least I won't be asked to speak for a long time. hahahahaha Good news....I will be singing next week in church. HA!

Yep, so there ya go. That's what's goin down around here. That and the fact that this baby is still kicking my butt. I'm just tired, and don't feel well, A LOT! I muddle through. I'm not bed ridden, so things could be worse. But....dude, I'm just OLD!

Happy Monday!

Allyson

The crud has attacked....

2011-10-07T13:36:00.000-07:00

Maggie started it with a little bit of a wierd barky cough on Monday. Not much else, but she also clearly wasn't fully at her "best." I awoke with my old enemy Helga firmly camped out on my upper lip (she's a cold sore that takes over the world). Max on Wednesday had begun an even creepier bark cough and though clearly not all well, still crazy enough to run around and play and pretend he was fine. My kids are really the wierdest sick kids ever. For hells sake, Max had chronic, recurrent ear infections from 3 mos. until 9 months and I NEVER knew it, except that we'd go in for a well check and the doctor would say...."Umm, he has a double ear infection." Then we'd do round after round of anti biotics and he'd never get better. But, he never, ever complained or acted sick. Anyway...Max was running around outside half the afternoon yesterday, and after awhile of runing he'd say, "I can't breathe." to which I'd reply..."No joke Sherlock, you sound like you're sucking mud."

Fast forward.......put him to bed at 8:30ish. Had my book club ladies over for a delightfully fun evening of laughing, talking, discussing, etc. People ask what book we read, or discussed and I just giggle. This year, books have become completely optional. Mostly, it's just an excuse to get together and hang out, eat and laugh once a month. So, we're all talking away and close to 11:00 Max came out of his room and his breathing was sick. Terrifying really. He really sounded like he was trying to breathe through a bucket of sand. He didn't cry, he didn't say much of anything, just wanted me to hold him. Emily said her boys had both had croupe last week and he sounded just like them. We talked all about what to do, what the doc said, etc. So, I held him upright for a long time. Eventually his breathing calmed down, quieted down and he fell back asleep. I propped pillows under him and put him back to bed. About FOUR more times in the night after that he got up, peed and sounded just as awful. It scared Jere so bad he said he'd take him to the emergency room right then. I convinced him THAT was unncecessary, but that I'd go to Urgent Care first thing in the morning.

So, Max woke up at 7:30, we threw clothes on and off we went. Sure enough....severe croupe, AND surprise.....an ear infection. Maggie, well the doc thought she seemed just fine. Maybe take some over the counter cold medicine. But Max was prescribed steroids and an anti-biotic.

We finally made it home around 10:30 and at that point I was feeling EXTREME exhaustion and freezing. We came in, and I just fell into bed. I was so cold and soooooo tired, I couldn't possibly stay awake, and my stomach hurt. I laid there awhile, until Maggie came in and tugged at me and said "MOMMY, it's NOT naptime yet, and we're starving. Feed us something. We haven't eaten any breakfast or lunch. We want cereal." It took me quite a few minutes, but I finally dragged myself out of bed and procured there eats. She ate cereal, Max had yogurt and apple juice (that kid LURVES him some yogurt). I managed to eat a brownie. Literally that is the ONLY thing I have even been able to THINK about eating all day.

I turned on a kids show for them and then....put on my pj's and fell back into bed. Maggie came in at one point, decided to put on her pj's and wanted to snuggle. It didn't last long, and she was gone. I may be admitting my crappy motherness here, but, I fell asleep. When I woke up an hour later, I thought....."it's really quiet, wonder what the kids are doing." Then I heard Max cough a few times, and his icky breathing.

I got up, and looked in their room. At that moment my heart may have simultaneously melted and broken at the same time. At some point, they had put themselves to bed and both were soundly sleeping. Seriously, I can't take the sweetness and sadness of that picture in my head. Bless their hearts.

So, now, me, my freezing body, churning intestines and GIANT cold sore the size of Texas that is eating my face will go back to bed until the kids wake up.

Getting "the crud" really sucks. Here is to hoping the meds work quickly, and that all of us are back to our normal "chipper" selves soon.

Barking and Moaning,

Allyson

P.S. Jere shaved his entire head last night. DISTURBING! He looks wierd, I'm having a hard time accepting the new look. But, he did it to show love and solidarity to SueAnne, our boss. She's in chemo and has lost her hair. So, it's for a sweet cause. I will have to post a picture later.

P.P.S Thank you all SO MUCH for the sweet congrats and well wishes on the new baby in mah belly. It meant so much to get so many excited and positive comments.

Anniversary Surprise!

2011-10-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not people, Jere and I will be married TEN years in April. TEN YEARS! And we've been together for THIRTEEN. Now to some of you, that may seem like no big thing. To others, they may be shaking their head in wonderment. And to those who bet he'd never last....guess you have to pay up now. hahahahahaha

Anyway......all Jere REALLY wanted to do for our 10 year Anniversary was go to New York. We love New York, we've been a few times together, and it's just such a wonderful place to go, and see and do. But alas, that was most certainly NOT in the budget.

So, his second choice was....and I use his words "all I want to do then is to go to Conference (General Conference is a semi-annual conference held every October and April for our church) and sit in the conference center. But instead..............he got me this:

SURPRISE! A brand new baby MVP coming to our family in April 2012. JUST in time for Conference AND our 10 year anniversary. And, it sneaks in just under my strongly imposed deadline of "I WILL NOT BE HAVING BABIES WHEN I'M 40 YEARS OLD." I will just barely be 39. Thankyouverymuch.

He really is thrilled beyond words, because somehow this affirms his manhood. Oh, and also, he's felt for a long time there was one more kiddo for us to have. I am happy, and excited, but I'm not gonna lie. SCARED! I swear I feel like I've never had a baby before. Will I remember everything to do? And holy crap, we have to start buying diapers again, those are really expensive. And formula, and where the heck is all my baby stuff? Where will I put this baby? How about it's clothes and supplies? All logistics to be worked out. And the worrier in me sometimes gets the best of me.

I've been rather blech and sicky this time around which frankly is new for me. With Maggie, I was never sick a day. In fact, I LOVED being pregnant with her. I was cute, and active and never felt fat and gross. With Max, I felt like I got huge in like a day, my butt and hips spread to kingdom come, and though I wasn't ever really sick, I felt kinda yucky whenever I would eat. This time...YIKES! I have spent a good portion of the first 12 weeks laying in bed, going to bed early, moaning, sleeping, whatever. I just feel YUCK and TIRED! Ok fine, the last week has been somewhat better. I realllllly wanted to try and stay on my weight program, because I'm TERRIFIED of gaining back the 60 lbs. I'd lost, and I thought I could do it until one day I woke up and the very smell of the food made me want to vomit. Every time Jere or Julie make something from the program, I have to leave the room, or mouth breathe for an hour because the smell makes me so sick. Needless to say, I pretty much just eat what doesn't make me want to vomit. Sadly, some days this does not include much in the way of protein, or anything all that healthy. Hopefully this will change SOON! My butt is not thanking me, as I feel HUGE and fat.

Anyway........good times around here at Casa VP.

Quick story. The other day the kids and I were going to meet my parents to pick up a TOTALLY fabulous and gorgeous dresser which I just inherited from my dead Grandpa. I will fully fill you in and show pictures later, because it's just THAT fabulous. Anyway.....we're on our way and Maggie said, "Why do we have to get a new dresser?" I hemmed for a second and then said..."Well, you know, in CASE we have a new baby or something, I'll need somewhere to put its clothes."
"Well, WHEN are you having a new baby?"
"Ummm, in April."
"When is April?"
"Six months from now?"
"Hmmm, THAT'S when I'm gonna marry Justin Bieber."

That girl cracks me up.

This has been the HARDEST secret to keep. Good thing too because when Gramma Peg came over the other night we showed her the dresser and she asked what it was for and Miss. Priss piped up, "It's for the new baby," to which I just started laughing and her reaction was priceless. Then Jer says, "Well, I guess the cat's outta the bag now." And now, you're all in the know with me.

Big hips and baby bellies,

Allyson

Update: Went to first Dr. Appt. today. There was a momentary thought that perhaps I was a month further along than thought, OR there might be more than one baby in me. THANK GOODNESS, there is only one wee one growing in me. All is well, it's growing perfectly. The ultrasound tech didn't want to committ, but she thought it could be a girl. Woo hoo!

A rant....if you will.

2011-09-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

You know what I don't get? I just do NOT get douches that feel it necessary to yell rude things out their open car windows as they drive by you. I mean really....what the hell is that about? Other than the fact that they're clearly douches with no self worth and it helps them feel somehow better about themselves and their own sorry ass lives to yell some rude slur at you. Whatever.

An illustration...if you will:

This morning Max had a little friend over to play. When it was about time for Grant to go home, I decided that we would walk him home. Because goodness knows my keister needs some form, ANY form of exercise at this point. It's a fairly short walk anyway, and it would be great for Max, as he loves to get out and run. I put on my shoes, gathered my water bottle and cell phone and off we went. Now...I may or may not have been wearing my rattiest pair of capri pj pants and a t-shirt, both of which were 3 sizes to big. I clearly hadn't showered and was looking my absolute "hottest" for sure. But hey, short walk, getting exercise, letting the kid play. The boys took off like a shot, and by shot I mean....rocket ships. I was half a block behind those two, but they were sooo happy. Before we knew it, we were at Grants house, and I'd already waved and said hello to three people I knew. After leaving Grants, I decided to walk up past our old house and around the block into our old ward neighbord (sadness filled my heart). As I was walking up the busier "main" street a gold truck went by and some totally mature, self respecting assmunch yelled out "SLOB" at me. Really? REALLY? I have never wanted to chase down a truck and punch a person in the face more. What the hell do YOU know you douche? In the immortal words of my dear Jer...."sorry about your dick dude." (he says that any time some guy peels out in their car, or drives a huge truck and tries to show off like a dork).

Dear loser in the truck:

I'm so sorry that you're life is so pathetic and miserable that you felt like yelling at a random stranger would make you feel better. I'm sorry that you feel superior to the random MOM walking down the street by calling her a rude name. I'm sad for you and your tragic life. Sad that you have NO idea who I am, WHAT I am or how FAR from a slob i am (though to be fair, my clothing choice may not have presented that in the best light). Here's hoping you can grow up and get a real life and realize that name calling, as you drive by in a truck is so freaking cowardly. Put your big boy pants on and act like a normal human. There is never any call for name calling, most especially to complete strangers who have done nothing to you. It proves nothing, it gets you nowhere and really, in the end, does NOT make you feel better.

Ever yours,

Walking Mom

Good thing I know I'm WAY hotter than his girlfriend or wife. HAHAHAHAHAHA I kid. But, I really did need to get that off my chest. And, it's not as if that's the first time I've had someone yell something at me. But seriously, keep your immature, rude thoughts to yourselves. I DO!

That being said, I'm outy. Gotta keep my kids and the play guest from beating eachother, and then think about getting lunch for them. Freaking kids, always wanting to be fed or something. WHAT is up with that?

Sweatpants and punches,

Allyson

What you wanna know...

2011-09-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

Right...so I've been M.I.A. I KNOW!

Lest anyone else, besides Jen thought that perhaps the roaches had mutinied and carried us MVP's all away to their secret lair.....'tis not so.

May I just say....THANK YOU to all of you for making me feel SO.MUCH.BETTER about things with your nice comments. So glad to know I'm NOT alone.

Reva.....don't even worry, I too have totally yelled at Maggie to be nice to me too, because she's downright MEAN at times. We have staredowns, we have standoffs, it's all SO mature it's unbelievable!

Darlene.....I too can totally handle Max as opposed to Maggie (the girl child) middle of the night. And I'm SURE it's because he also is not so much a screamer and a whiner.

Allison....I pretend to be asleep A LOT to let Jere deal with things. Hahaha

Joel.....growing pains, maybe, except that this has been going on since like birth. Sometimes she just does it now for something to say, I'm pretty sure. Could be wrong. But, I don't think so.

Anyway....thanks for being the best blog friends EVER!

So, without further ado.

First of all, our computers (and by ours I mean Julies, but we all use it) battery died, so we had no computer. The one we're using currently is Jeres Moms, 'cause she's been out of town for half the month. Anyway, no computer, no pictures, no mojo.

Secondly, it seems like everytime I pick up the computer, about all I can get done is check facebook and then a few blogs here and there. Some may notice that i've been ever so quiet on the comment front. That's because 1. I haven't been reading as much and 2. this dumb (yet I'm grateful to havfe it to use) computer for whatever reason won't let me comment as myself. It's super annoying. So, I've written some comments and then they won't go through. UGH!

The roach situation is improved, though we had a "moment" if you will where I thought I would die. We'd got down to zero roaches in 3 days. I was happy. Then it was time for Chad to re-bomb the place. He came, he bombed and only 9 roaches in 3 days. I was so hopeful. So happy. THEN, I made the ridiculous mistake of mopping my floor. And I kid you not, in an HOURS time, FIFTY TWO freaking roaches came out and died on my floor. We literally watched them pour out from the dishwasher and bottom cupboards. It was AWFUL. But mostly I was just PISSED! I'm so beyond being afraid of or grossed out, I'm just angry. I mean what the hell.....are roaches just mad for Pine-Sol or what? Needless to say, I called Chad, he came back and was gonna take out the dishwasher and look at that, but in the meantime, took everything out of my lower cupboards and found 50 more dead roaches in there. AWESOME! So, he decided to drill holes into all the bottom cupboards and dust inside there. Interestingly enough...we have only had 9 in the last week. So, we are HOPING HOPING that we have taken care of the issue. Though I won't lie, I'm not real excited to ever mop my floor. I don't trust those little bastards.

We've become scorpion hunters. Jere is all manly man with his gloves, tongs and jar as we scope the perimeter of our house at night and find the little critters. It's actually kinda fun to hunt them. Way more fun then finding them in your house and being surprised by them. Since we started that we've only had one in the house.

So, all in all, things are a bit better on that front.

Max no longer lets me dress him at all. He INSISTS that he pick out his underpants AND all his clothes. It is SO hard to let them do that, and then live with their tragic choices of ensembles. But, it's just not worth the fight. Half the time I don't even do his hair anymore...cause, why? Maggie is still fighting clothes choices AND hair every.single.day. It's exhausting. Thank goodness Jere is around sometimes, 'cause seriously, he can put her in her place like no other.

Maggie has also turned into a total social butterfly. She has playdates at least twice a week with her friends and wishes she could be at their houses EVERY day. She doesn't get why you don't just invite yourself over to anyones house at anytime. Her latest bestie is Claire, who is the daughter of my sisters best friend. It's fun to see her developing and growing and playing with her friends. She's also in a singing class on Monday afternoons and the cutest dance class on Wed. mornings. My girl has some serious moves.

Speaking of, Max has developed the most adorable little face when he "dances". I wish I could capture it because it cracks me up so much. He LOVES to bust a move, which really means jogging in place, or shaking his booty while making his dance face.

He misses Maggie everyday when she's at school and tells her that everytime she comes home. He LOVES when she has friends over because he is in the center of them playing along with all they do. He's devestated when she goes to a friends house and doesn't understand why he doesn't get to go too. That is really heartbreaking actually.

Took the kids on the lightrail Monday night for their first time. They LOVED it. We went to the D-Backs game with Porters family and our friend Amy, the ticket queen for all things D-Backs. It was fun, and a cool little family activity for us. Quite cute to watch your 4 and 2 year old pumping their fists in the air and yelling "D-Backs, D-Backs." As if they really knew what was going on. haha

Friday night was the 50th Anniversary Homecoming celebration for my Highschool. I happen to live right by my old highschool and will proudly send my children off to be Westwood Warriors. Anyway, it was a really fun evening with an Alumni reception, some good eats, visits with old friends, etc. And best of all, one of my darling students won Homecoming Queen....so awesome. Her Dad was homecoming King like 35 years ago at the same Highschool. They even did a big fat fireworks show, which we enjoyed from the backyard of Gramma Dars, because please.....like I was really gonna fight the crowds of THAT game. Besides....I don't like football. But, Maggie was quite ticked that she didn't get to go to the football game. Again, as IF she even knows what such a thing is.

So, there you go. A bit of an update as to what I've been up to and where we've been. Not
too exciting. But, something anyway.

I'm hopeful to be back with some semi regular blogging, soon.

Allyson

Middle of the Night Parenting

2011-09-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

For the record....what I'm about to talk about is NOT something I'm proud of. In fact, it points out a glaring flaw in my parenting. BUT, I do feel the need to talk about it, and see if anyone else out there suffers this issue.

Let's get something straight from the get go here. I do NOT claim to be the best parent, or even a great parent for that matter. I claim to be a human, a deeply flawed human and one trying to figure out how to take care of these little people entrusted to me and do as little damage as possible.

I'm just gonna talk about one of my biggest flaws for a moment. 'Cause, well, it's just not rational I think, and maybe by talking about it...I'll get better at it. It's called...middle of the night parenting. You know, when you're DEAD asleep and then suddenly there is a kid in your face crying about something, or there is a kid screaming out from their bed, or whatever. And in my case, said kid is Miss Sassy pants and she is particularly demanding in the middle of the night.

Generally she wakes up telling us her leg hurts. But that is usually accompanied by A LOT of crying. Mostly because she's really still asleep and therefore, there is NO amount of reasoning or consoling that does any good. She just bawls uncontrollably and demands you do things JUST HOW SHE WANTS it. There is a request for an icepack, which I will go get, but then it's not the right ice pack, or I haven't put the towell on correctly. This will make her yell at me. To which I usually yell back. Then, I don't put the icepack in the right place, or on her leg in the right way. Or, she insists I lay next to her on her bed, where there is literally not a sliver of space for me. But she WON'T hear it from me. Herein is where my great flaw lies. I become totally irrational myself. I react to this child like she's somehow aware of what she's doing and also NOT 4 but 24. I get so angry and frustrated by her yelling, crying and demands that I yell back. I feel total ICK toward her and can't deal at all. It turns into a ridiculous battle of wills that goes nowhere.

I hate that I do that. And even in my half asleep stupor and my total irrational brain, I know it's so wrong. Yet, I can't seem to fix it. Does ANYONE else ever have this problem? Am I the only sucky parent out there that does this?

Because let me tell you...Jere, for all his patience struggles during waking hours is downright magical at middle of the night parenting. Something takes over him and he becomes this quiet, soothing, loving, smooth talking daddy that can get Maggie to calm down in an instant. He's so good it even makes me wanna snuggle up and calm down. In truth...he's FAR better at dealing with Maggie on all levels of discipline and calming than I ever am.

What brings this up is...the other night Jere was out with some friends. I was sound asleep, when at Midnight Maggie showed up at my bedside, crazy, crying, snarling and uncontrollable that she was afraid, oh and also her leg hurt. I pulled myself out of my stupor and tried to have her come in bed with me to calm her down. But, because she's crazy town and really asleep, she wouldn't have it. She just cried and screamed at me louder. Then I left her and went to her bed, because I'm mature like that, and also irrational. She came following into her room and yelled at me more. So, I got her an icepack, which of course I didn't do the towell right, and I didn't place it on her leg right, etc. etc. By this time I was at my, "I'm gonna completely lose it level." So, I got my phone and texted Jere a message somehwere along the lines of...."Where the hell are you? Maggie is losing her freaking mind and I'm NOT dealing well. GET HOME NOW." After which I may or may not have told Maggie to just be quiet. Then she cried harder and started to ask for her Daddy. I was asking for him too, and then we were both crying. To his credit, he came right home. I went to bed, he talked to her for a minute and then she fell asleep.

Seriously.....the rule at this house shall forevermore be....Mom is NOT available middle of the night. Take it to Dad.

Am I really the only horrid, sucky parent out there that can't deal with thier kid in the middle of the night? Please...do tell.

Sleepless and sorry,

Allyson

La Cucaracha

2011-09-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

I s'pose we should have been a bit more concerned when every time we'd come to look at the house, or do something in the house before we moved in there would be five or six dead roaches. I mean, it DID concern me, it was gross. But apparently we should have been MORE concerned. Upon further reflection, we shoulda asked for a few grand off the price simply for the problem that we had no idea was gonna be SUCH a problem.

Before I continue...please let me make this disclaimer....I am a VERY clean person, as is my home. I do not live in such a manner that I attract roaches. The little bastards lived here before we did. Also, just know that in spite of what you read, all have died on the floor. None on counters, or near food. Just sayin.

We moved in and the roaches seemed to mostly disappear. There would be one now and then, but not so bad. Doable, if you will. Though in all my life I've never lived in a house where roaches were a regular occurence. Well, unless you count that ONE apartment on my mission that was literally owned by roaches. Shudder....that was horrifying. They were everywhere and soooo gross.

Anyway, they started to appear a little more often, and while shiver inducing and gross, still doable. While we were gone to Greer Julie started a roach count on the white board. In the week we were gone she had seen/killed 7. And it's clearly not an issue of us being dirty or having a dirty house. 'Cause lets be straight here...I am nothing if not obsessively neat and clean. So, we kept the count going. In a months time we had 28. It was time for our pest control guy (hey Chad, you're the best) to come. He came, he sprayed, he left. In the next week we had 29, in one week. The most unacceptable being....I was standing at the sink doing dishes, Jere was standing next to me and drying. He set the towell down for a moment to put away dishes. When he picked the towell back up, a huge roach came charging at him from under the towell. They're creepy and magic I tell you.

This is exactly what they look like too.

Making me sick just looking at them.

So, I called Chad and said "Yo, it's roachapalooza around here, please come back." He agreed to come back the next day. Then he texted and said it would be one more day. I responded "what's one more day in roach paradise?" So, on Friday morning at 11:30 Chadwick appeared. He was determined to find the source of the hideous buggers. I told him I was pretty sure they were coming from behind the dishwasher. Basically there is just open space between the cupboards and the outside wall, open to all manner of ugliness.

He walked out to his truck and returned with a giant bucket o' roach death. Some kind of powder/acid. Down he got on his knees and pumped and pumped the powder all around the dishwasher, under the sink, in the cupboards and drawers and around the fridge. "Alright, we'll see how this goes. If we get to the source there will be a lot of them for the next day or so." He turned and walked out the door. I kid you not...4 seconds after he left there were three roaches tets up on the kitchen floor. Then, within another few minutes, 4 more. At that point Maggie was sitting on the island and Max was on his little inch worm trike thing. Suddenly one came running out straight at Max. The screaming, the fear. I stomped it and then put Max up on the island. Every time I turned around there was another one. Maggie would scream as one would fall out from above the dishwasher. It was a gosh dang killing field. Either they were staggering out covered in powder and flailing briefly before death, or they were running for it and I had to smoosh them. Then, a giant, and I do mean GIANT scorpion came sauntering out from under the dishwasher. I was frozen. It traipsed through the powder up next to the fridge, came back down and then went under the fridge never to be seen again. UGH! At this point we were up to nearly 20. I certainly couldn't stay in there, or cook in there so I scooped up the kids and off we went for a LONG nap.

Upon waking up from the nap there were 10 more dead ones in the kitchen, and it just kept happening.

Yesterday morning when there were only 4 dead ones from overnight I thought we were on the downslide. I decided I needed to mop the floor, as it was covered in the "chalk" outlines of many a dead roachy. My killing field needed to be cleaned. So, I swept, vacuumed and mopped and mopped. And i kid you not...within 10 minutes of the mopping TWENTY more appeared and died. I had to keep remopping areas where we had to smoosh their black gutts out. Now i was pissed.

We finally got ready and just went to the mall for a few hours, just so we didn't have to be around roach carnage. When we came home, only 2 dead. Again, perhaps we were done. Nope, there were plenty more through the remainder of the evening. Little bastards.

In just over one 24 hour span we have had 80 PLUS roaches come out and die on the kitchen floor. It's seriously sooo freaking gross. I'm in a living hell.

The only upside (if there is such a thing as an upside) is that we clearly found the source and hopefully we are able to get rid of them once and for all. The sucky thing is, we're gonna have to do this a couple more times to really kill them off. I'm not looking forward to THAT at all. But I am looking forward to life without the fear of opening a drawer and finding a roach in it.

Yeah....hindsight...it's 20/20. Shoulda just kept on walking when we noticed all the dead roaches in the first place. They were trying to warn us of what was in our future.

Death to roaches one and all,

Allyson

Post Script: As of last night our total was up around 90. As of this morning, NO new roaches to count. Halleluia. Just a kitchen floor covered in random black "spots" where roaches once lay. I also found a scorpion on the kitchen wall by the laundry room. And this morning Jere found a scorpion on our bedroom curtain. THIS SUCKS! Hoping for a week of peace before we have to bomb again.

Please don't think less of us, or be afraid to come over. We'll keep the roaches away from you, I promise.

Wordsmith

2011-09-04T08:06:00.000-07:00

"Hey Cooper, will you wash off all those chairs?"
"Uh, that seems to laborious."

That was a comment made by my 12 yr. old nephew during Brooklyns 5th Birthday party. I LOVE that a 12 year old nephew of mine used LABORIOUS in his conversation. Awesome.

The other morning, after the kids had played outside for quite awhile, they all sat at the table and I gave them a cup of orange juice.

After taking a long swig of her juice, Brooklyn (a freshly minted 5 year old) let out a sigh and said: "Mmmm, that is SO refreshing."

HA! She just said refreshing. Love it!

"Maggie, stop doing that, it's so noying (annoying)" That's what Max says to Maggie on the regular. Or, he likes to say...."sersly (seriously) Maggie, SERSLY!" My little wordy.

I have always had this fascination with language. I love words, and how they're used, and what they mean. I loves me a big, ridiculous sounding word.
Like...Inauspicious, that's a fun one. Or how about Loquacious that one is all KINDS of awesome. I also like to use silly phrases like, "how delightful," or "this pleases me," or "you cease to please me." Whatever.

Point is....I might be a little nerdy, but I accept it. I am what is "commonly" known as a WORDSMITH.

What in the world is a wordsmith (which I prefer to pronounce SMYTHE, thank you very much) you may be asking yourself? No worries, I looked it up for you and the definition is this:

word·smith /ˈwɜrdˌsmɪθ/ Show Spelled

[wurd-smith] Show IPA

–noun

1. an expert in the use of words.

2. a person, as a journalist or novelist, whose vocation is writing.

Oh shut it people. Just because I like to use words like Totes, awesome, suh-WEET, and my new one today I'm H to the OT, etc. and completely cool phrases like "and then she was like, and he was like and it was like....." does NOT mean that I don't loves me a good word and fun phraseology.

Here's the deal....for many a year now, I have liked to think of myself as a bit of a wordsmith...an "expert" if you will (::SNORT::). And mostly, just saying that makes me giggle in my 14 year old way. I think of my sister Jenny and I spending countless hours talking, giggling, writing ridiculous letters to eachother and using the biggest words we could think of. For example: "I'm looking at my hand, and it is rather unesthetically pleasing." DORKS!

I grew up a rather voracious reader. I lurved me a good book.
Boxcar children, oh don't even get me started people! BEST BOOK EVER!
Secret Garden, NO WORDS!
The Borrowers.....stupendous.
Harriet the Spy. Have you ever read something more hilarious?
When it came to Childrens Lit. I think I pretty much read it all. And I refuse to even think about the fact that my friend Melia was fully reading "Tale of Two Cities" and like "Ana Karenena" by 5th Grade, she was a special case.
In 5th grade I went through my biography phase. I literally read every biography our school library had to offer. And for the record "Julia Ward Howe" TOTALLY my favorite one. I read it 3 times. Whurrrd.

Point is, due to this excellent love of reading, AND the fact that my Mumsy read to us brilliantly, I loved words. I understood words, big words and enjoyed using them. Plus, Jenny and I just thought it was HI-larious to use big words in ridiculous phrasing.

Also, I'm sure that the many, MANY games of Boggle I've played with my Dad and siblings has helped. Goodness knows my Dad is genius, and sorta a master at coming up with the most ridiculous words ever, that generally always end up being REAL words. But lets just lay this one down....geniousy as my Dad is, I've totally kicked his bootay on MANY occassions. That always feels grand...delightful, if you will.

I can vividly remember being in 6th grade and sitting in the kitchen, while my Mom and older sister (she was a senior) were having a conversation. She kept using the word comprehend. She said "I just can't comprehend.....". I was completely enamored of this word. I could not WAIT to be able to use that word in conversation. Fortunately for me, I WAS socially savy enough to know that I should not be using it around my 6th grade crowd. I never appreciated ridicule, and surely this fancy word would bring it. I mean really...who busts out "Billy, I can NOT comprehend why you just did that?" in the 6th grade? The very next year, my sister had traded in "comprehend" for "fathom." Oh my stars above, what a MAGNIFICENT word. "I just can't FATHOM why he'd do that." AWESOME! Again, I was left waiting until I was "old enough" to use such spectacular language.

Another of my favorite memories. So now I'm young adult, fully "allowed" to use fancy words. I was standing outside on the front porch of my friend Andreas parents house. Andrea had a baby, maybe even her 2nd baby. We were getting ready to run to a wedding reception for another friend of ours. Andrea was wearing a dress that was not the best for nursing. So, I said to her "well, that isn't very CONDUCIVE to nursing, now is it?" She seriously looked at my like I sprouted horns and perhaps a third eye. She thought it was so funny/wierd that I would use that high falutin word and what did it mean anyway? Oh it's true Andrea.....don't try and deny it. This is one of those moments in life I shall never forget. It's a look I shant ever forget. 'Cause it re-iterated the fact that I'm a word nerd.

Language, words are cool. And I think it's super the grooviest to use it.

However, I'm feeling a little rusty these days. Perhaps it's time I pull out a book, read something again and you know...dust off the ol' language skills so I can comfortably utter things like fathom and fortuitous. I don't want to lose my word-smithing street cred.

And so...I soldier on, wordsmithing it up, one STUPENDOUS and PRODIGIOUS word at a time.

I just found this little "gem" in my drafts. I wrote it back in March and never posted it for some reason. So, for your reading pleasure, and to up your "word power" hope you enjoyed.

Allyson

Truth Hurts

2011-08-28T14:15:00.000-07:00

So.....THIS happened.

Sitting on my bed, holding Maggie. She is asking for something to eat. Now, keep in mind she is NOT a big eater. Much of the time she's irritated that I'm even suggesting or offering breakfast or lunch options. But yesterday she was especially ravenous for some reason.

So, to make this conversation better understood, I shall create a little "key", if you will. You can thank me later.

A = Me
M = Maggie
I know, my cleverness knows no bounds.

A= You're just really hungry today aren't you?
M= Yeah. I like to eat a lot because it helps me grow healthy and strong.
A = Well, eating does help you grow healthy and strong, but not if you eat ALL the time.
M= No, that helps you grow fat, like you are.
A = (ouch) Well, yes.
M = But you're working on it. You're trying to get skinny like me and Daddy and Max.
A = You don't think Daddy is fat?
M = NO!
And because I'm so totally mature, I said...
A = Well.....he is.
M = NO HE'S NOT!

Awesome. So clearly I'm the only fat, fat fatty residing in this house. Better keep working harder. SHEESH!

Did I tell you about the time last month that we had a similar conversation, except in that one I said, "But Maggie, I weigh LESS than Daddy." She looked me right in the face and very seriously said..."Ummm, NO YOU DON'T!"
My life RULES!

And just for the record little miss double standard....THAT is not skinny. Totally hot, don't get me wrong, but not skinny.

Yeah, that's totes her skinny Dad third in from the left

And she says these things when I'm at the lowest weight I've been since before I had her. Which is the lowest weight I'd been in......EVER it seems.

Yep, truth hurts.

Guess the work~~out~~ is never done.

I do think I'll pull out my pre-gastric picture and really rock her world.

Pretty sure life would be sooooo much easier if she'd just spend alot more time like this! Sweet as pie that girl.

Mmmmmm pie.

Fat moms skinny dads,

Allyson

Birds of a Feather....

2011-08-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

Maggie walked up to me with a look of complete concern and honest questioning.

"Mommy....when will I grow a feather in my hair?"
"Whaaaat?"
"When will I grow a FEATHER in MY hair?"

WHAT in the world is she talking about? Why does she think she should be growing feathers in her hair?

After some thought and confusion, I realized that she had recently spent time with our friend Sabrea who is a feather wearin hair dresser. Maggie LURVES Sabrea (or as my kids call her, Starla) and sorta idolizes all she does.

"Oh, do you mean, a feather like Starla has in HER hair?"

Exhibit A

Starla and her feathers

"Yessssss! When will I get one?"

"Well honey, those don't just GROW in your hair. They have to be PUT in your hair."

"What do you mean, put in my hair? Why?"

"I don't know, it's just something that Sabrea does. She can put feathers in peoples hair."

"WHY?"

"I don't know. Because she's a hairdresser, and she's cool like that. MAYBE someday she can put one in your hair."

A look of utter and sheer delight spread across her face.

"Can she put one in NOW?"

"No, but maybe sometime."

That seemed to appease her enough and away she skipped to do something else.

So, I called Sabe to share the story of her power over my daughter, she got a good laugh, and then totally volunteered to come on over and put a feather in Maggies hair.

When I told Maggie that Starla was coming over to featherize her she nearly peed her pants with anticipation.

In she walked last night at 8:00 with her packet of feathers in tow. She sat down on the chair and offered Maggie a peek, and allowed her to choose which feathers she wanted.

As Sabrea pulled out the rainbow colored feather Maggie let out a gasp of delight and as she exhailed let the word "coooooooool" float on her breath. It was clearly the most AWESOME thing she'd EVER seen.
P.S. judge not on the long sleeved Christmas Pj's being sported here. Max insisted on wearing his, so Maggie wanted to match. Nevermind that they're too small and, well, weather inappropriate. Note how she's holding them, that's because a moment before I laughed as I was taking a pic and said, "love the belly." (as it was hanging out all over the place). This embarrassed her and she held her shirt down the rest of the time. (I felt bad)

Watch as Starlas works her magic.......

Yep....TOTALLY rainbow feather in my 4 year olds hair. hahaha

She was seriously SO pleased with herself and this amazing feather she could barely keep her smile to herself.

Not wanting to be left out Max yelled "Mommy, don't forget to take a picture of me playing my game." I dutifully raised the camera and THIS is what he gave me. SO typical of Max.

Ladies and Gentleman.....I present you with Maggie and her magical feather growing hair.

What can I say?

Birds of a feather flock together.

I do just have to giggle a little bit, because honestly....how many 4 year olds are sporting the latest hair trend such as this. Something I would NEVER do. But, we are blessed with awesome friends who work in every field and who so willingly share of their talents.

Thanks Sabe for making this little girls feather dreams come true.

And now, Maggie is off to her very FIRST dance class ever. She's pretty excited, minus the totally ANNOYING need to wear tights.

"Tights are DUMB you know, right Mom? I HATE them."

Pretty sure I don't have a ballet star in my future.

Naked birds and feather heads,

Allyson

Trash to Treasure Tuesday

2011-08-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

The text said something like...."My mom wanted me to check with you and see if you wanted us to save these chairs for you." It was attached to a picture of some chairs literally amongst trash, yard clippings, discarded palm fronds, etc. My sisters neighbor and good friend (and also dedicated stalker of my blog, HI DIANE) just likes to literally throw out to the curb perfectly good furniture. It's fascinating. Had I known just how nice and sturdy these chairs were I woulda taken them all. But, as it was, my pea brain could only see that I had room for TWO. I told Breckyn to save the best two and call it a day. She dutifully retrieved the chairs from the trash and stowed them on the side of their house. Then, it rained, and by the time I picked them up they were COVERED in nasty dirt, mud and grime. So, when I say TRASH to treasure, I reallllly mean it this time.

So, recap.

Chair.....on the curb - totally FREE!
2 Cans spray paint - $6.00
1 hour of my time with enough sweat to fill a pool - PRICELESS.

Disclaimer......I'm only slightly bitter that my camera is the el suck at capturing the way these things truly look. You can't see the distressing very well. But, just trust me, they look better than you think.

Did I mention these chairs weigh at LEAST a ton? Yeah, they do.

BEFORE:

Look close, I'm trying to show the gross dirty grime on it.

DIRRRRTY!

AFTER:

love the cute curve of the leg

Oh, and i also LOVE me some Ralph Lauren glaze, it's my fave.

Thanks Diane for the excellent new seating at my too small kitchen table. Maybe we'll have to invite you to dinner. hee hee

Greer 2011 - Part 2....Sunrise

2011-08-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

For the past 3 years we have gone to Greer from Saturday to Saturday, which is all well and good, it just makes it impossible for us to enjoy a fun and beautiful little thing known as Sunrise ski resort (they foolishly are ONLY open on Sat. and Sun. afternoons). We love to ride the lift to the top and take in the ridiculous beauty of the landscape. Plus, the ride up and back is just so beautiful, and peaceful and serene and fun. And.....we always get rained on. Oh wait, that is NOT my favorite part of it.

Anywho, this year we got to go up on Friday, therefore making a trip to Sunrise possible. It did NOT disappoint. Max and Maggie loved "the swing ride" and we enjoyed it too.

Max LOVED the "ride". Can't you just tell by that little face?

Heading up the slope. It takes about 15 to 20 minutes to get up.

From the top.

It was about 50 degrees up there.

In ARIZONA, in AUGUST!

Le Sigh!

Heading down.

She was enjoying it, I promise. Though in this pic she may look a little like a rabid animal...I'm not sure. hahaha

Dana, Hayden and Adam decided to hike down.

Silly mistake, as the heavens opened and poured forth upon them. Dana may have looked like she stepped out of the shower when all was said and done. However, Adam was able to take some REALLY cool shots of us in the lift, from down below.

Shane and Owen

Harrison and Bryson

Oh hey, there we are. Look at Maggies face, it cracks me up. Acting like she was scared or something.

I end with this cute pic of my parents, cause it cracks me up. My Moms comment on this one was..."there is me and Brooklyn and some random Frenchman I picked up." hehehehe Oh Mom, you slay me. But really, my Dad is a hoot with his beret and his ginormous blu blocker sunglasses! LOVE him!

All in all it was a fabulous afternoon, so worth the rain. It makes me so happy to see the beauty that Arizona has to offer. Oh, and plus, my family is fun too!

Swing rides and rain drops,

Allyson

Maggies 1st Day...

2011-08-13T17:32:00.000-07:00

We interrupt this regularly scheduled Greer blogpost to give you Maggies first day of school. No worries, it'll be brief.

We "qualified" for a state funded preschool this year. While I will GREATLY miss Miss Ranelle (because let's face it, there is NO better preschool EVER), she decided to teach 1st grade full time, and we couldn't afford to send Maggie this year anyway. So, thankfully, there is a wonderful preschool program here in AZ, and many of my friends/neighbors got their kids in too. Carpools, and good kids sharing her class. YAY!

The class Maggie got into is at 8 A.M. Seriously? 8 in the morning? That is a stretch for this Mom. I could barely get her to 9 a.m. preschool last year. BUT, we can't be late this year, they're a bit stricter, so we'll ahve to make it work.

Of course, it was her first day of school and she slept until 7:35. HELLO. This girl is ALWAYS awake by 7 at the VERY latest. I had to wake her up and rush her into her clothes. BUT, she was so excited for school that she happily put her clothes on, AND let me do her hair. I repeat, she LET ME DO HER HAIR with nary a fight at all. It was so delightful I coulda cried.

We got into the car and awayyyyyy we went. We made it with just a few minutes to spare.

Lookin goood!

Never mind that the "rules" stated no open toed shoes. Maggie was having none of THAT.

The teacher requires hand washing for everyone as soon as they walk in the door.

The 2nd day she realized that was gonna be a nightmare, so she switched it up to just some good ol' hand sanitizer.

Max however is none to sure about this whole Sissy going to school thing. He cries all the way home saying "I don'tWaaaaaaant sissy to go to school." It's kinda sad. Hopefully this won't last too long.

This picture?

Well, he and I were perusing the merchandise at our local Wal-mart when this shirt caught his eye. He said, "Can you buy me that GUY shirt?" I told him he had to choose between the guy shirt and the silly putty in his hand. He looked at them both, pondered a moment and then handed me the silly putty to put away. He reallllllly wanted the "guy shirt." He figured that since Maggie got some new clothes, he should too.

He was just beside himself to wear it the next day and sooooo proud of it. When I told him that we were going to Gramma and Grandpas he said.

"I will show them my guy shirt? Will they say Oh My Gosh when they see it?"

It was so cute. And he did proudly show it to WHOEVER he came in contact with that day.

Maggies first day also scored me some KILLER deals at the thrift store, so it was just winners all the way around.

Maggie came home happy as a clam, pleased with her teacher and her class.

Here's hoping for a GREAT year!

School daze and guy shirts,

Allyson

Greer 2011 Post 1

2011-08-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

Well folks, it was yet another fabulous year in Greer. One we were especially grateful to have, as in June we weren't sure Greer would even exist anymore. There was a brief moment in time where we falsely believed it had burned down. There were massive wild fires this summer and much of the area up and around Greer burned. And frankly, the fire came RIGHT down to the edge of town and nearly did it in. In all 22 structures were lost, one of them literally IN town. So, it was scarey. BUT, Greer survived, and it's still beautiful, in spite of the burn lines running all around it.

We are sooooooo grateful for this week long respite each year in our lives. It really is the most beautiful spot in all of AZ, and it does much to fill our "wells" and get us through another year.

So, first I offer some pictures of "the burn".

Wish I'd gotten a better picture of areas with burned trees, and this neon/electric green grass growing all around it. When we were there it had been raining for weeks, and the combo of rain and all the ash on the ground made for the most stunning green grasses. The juxtoposition of burn and green was fascinating, and beautiful.

It literally burned down the mountain to the edge of "town".

This is sooo sad. A gorgeous house, just gone.

More insulting....the houses on either side of it, not touched. You could see where the fire burned UP to the house next door, and yet it's still standing. My heart breaks for the family that lost that home (well all the families really). This development is as "in town" as you can get. And right next door is a big resort. The fire burned right to the edge of the resort. Sooo many blessings that more wasn't burned.

Anywho...you know I'm long winded, and there are like 4 million things I want to show you and talk about. But, for THIS post, I'm just gonna show you family pic day. It was without a doubt our quickest and smoothest to date. Hooray!

I look at all these pics and they make me happy. I really do love this big crazy family of mine! They're the BEST!

As usual, click on pics to see them larger, if you so desire.

The entire Shumway clan in all our glory. This is first time in at least 3 years that literally ALL of us were there for the pictures. Hooray!

Danas family

Erics family

Me family

Jere insisted on ASU pride.

I told you, he's crazy about his school pride.

Max asks to wear that shirt every.single.day!

Jennys family

Porters family

Dixies family

The couples

we took individual shots as well. Some inappropriate and some "straight."

The Siblings

The "outlaws"

It's so sad that they never have any fun.

The "men" of Greer

I'm not kidding when I say this may be my all time favorite picture EVER!

They were making fun of us women.

The ladies of Greer

My Mom is so cute

These are all the grandaughters.

Poor Breckyn, she was born only 15 years too early for the rest of them.

Well...this was ON picture day. I just happen to think it's a particularly good picture of Miss Sass and I.

Alright....that's done. Tomorrow I shall bring you Sunrise ski lift. Holy Beautifulness!

Smiles and squints,

Allyson

Baseball Babies

2011-08-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

We have a friend....her name is Amy (Hi Amy) and she has a suh-weet hookup with the Diamondbacks. As in, she gets FATTY seats for free and parking passes, and strangely enough, she often takes us. I've sat in some pretty awesome seats with her.

Anywhodle.....last night we got to take BOTH kids to the game. This was Max's FIRST game and he was so excited allllll day to go to the baseball game. This was Maggies second game and she was really feeling quite superior to Max and his virgin ball gameness.

Right, so.....a few pics.

For real. I couldn't love a picture more. They were so excited to see the game.

Walking over the bridge from the garage into the swanky section of the stadium. Apparently all the cars in the lot below us were player cars.

This was in the suite section. We weren't sitting there. But I liked the shot of the field. Really, Chase Field is an absolutely beautiful place.

Maggie was asking for popcorn and cotton candy before we even got there.

That's our friend Amy.

Thanks again girl.

No really, he loved the popcorn, I swear!

Just showing off the ELEVEN DOLLARS worth of drinks we had.

SERIOUSLY.

Eleven Dollars.

OBSCENE!

Got that cotton candy.

I might love this picture a WHOLE lot too.

They were celebrating ANOTHER homerun.

It was a crazy lot of runs in that game.

We ended up winning 11 to 9.

FUN!

Max and Baxter became BEST friends.

No really.....they high fived, they hung out and then Max literally watched him make his way around the entire stadium and yelled out at the top of his lungs "BAXTERRR" (except it may have sounded a little bit like bastard) and waved at him until he couldn't see him anymore.

It was really cute.

Ummm, that's Lesley.

She's a DBACK girl.

She asked Maggie to sing Take me out to the Ballgame on the jumbo tron. Maggie completely denied her.

Her response..."I already sang that with her LAST time." hahahaha

We were sitting directly above the visitor dugout....sweet seats.

When the game was over Maggie kept asking if she could go down and stand on the "porch", or better known as the top of the dugout. hehehe

ANYWAY.....Lesley.

Max had a MAD crush on her.

After maggie turned her down, I had to take Max to the bathroom. He literally asked me...

"Why did Maggie said no to that pretty girl with the pony tail and black pants?"

May i remind you...he's two. Why is he noticing such detail? WIERD!

After our potty trip, pretty Lesley happened to be sitting directly behind us and "workin" the crowd. As you can tell by the pic....the kids became her new best friend. Max sat on her lap most of the time, and they helped her stand and cheer. They would jump and wave their arms and scream. It was freaking adorable!

Yeah, he's definitely in love.

I wonder if his other girlfriend "Princess and the Frog" will be ok with that.

All in all, a fun night for the MVP's. If not a bit exhausting. My kids weren't in bed until 11:00. And OF COURSE, they were up by 6. Seriously.....why are they incapable of sleeping in?

Thanks again Amy for allowing us this fun family night.

Tomorrow.....Maggies first day of school.

Wish us luck. Max is gonna melt down without his sissy.

Homeruns and wallet drains,

Allyson

Fugitive NO MO!

2011-08-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

Now, I know I'm pretty open around here. I tend to talk about the poops and the problems and the flaws I have. We all know depression sucks. We are VERY clear on my stance on all things jeggings. But....BUT, I may, I JUST may have a secret or two left.

Like.......

I'm fairly sure you did NOT know that you have been reading the ~~rantings~~ writings of a fugitive of the law. That's right my friends, moi, me, Als, MVP, I am really and secretly (though not so much anymore, since I'm coming out to you on the internets) a FIRST CLASS, Mother truckin BAD ASS!

Yes, it's true. I'm legit ya'll. A FUGITIVE. As in, suspended license, had to pay bail to "the man" kind of fugitive.

So ridiculous really.

Let me explain.

And obvi, I can only talk about this now because, well, I paid my freaking bail, waited the required billion hours at the DMV and got my license reinstated today.

To quote some famous quote....."I'm free at last, I'm free at last, thank God almighty, I'm free at last."

Because trust me, these past few months of being a fugitive and running from the law have been stressful. I may have grown a few more grey hairs in the process. And my KIDS may or may not have a healthy fear of the po po.

Anyway.......

Remember that time, wayyyyy back in April when I drove up to Utah for a lovely opportunity to sing in the world famous tabernacle. The spend my time, giving of my talents to spread the word of the Lord? Yeah...THAT time.

Sabes, Wenda and I were truckin along I-whatever it is that leads up Utah when it went down. I had my cruise control set to 85. For the record, the roads up there are 75 MOST of the way, with some intermittent 85's sprinkled in for good measure. So, I'm about 2 hours outside Salt Lake (or 3, of a 10 hour drive) and all is going well. Just outside of Fillmore (I hate your gutts) Utah is when it went down. I was on my side of the freeway with a gap the size of the Grand Canyon between me and the other side. I saw the stupid state trooper driving on the OTHER side. I saw his lights go on, and I thought....BUMMER for whoever is getting that ticket. I continued to drive. Completely smug in the knowledge that I was on the OTHER side, AND, I wasn't really speeding THAT much. But lows and beholds....a minute or two later I look up and what do I see? Hint: It was NOT popcorn popping on the apricot tree. It was the freaking blinking lights and such of that "trooper." So, I safely pull over, RIGHT under an 85 MPH sign. Officer douche canoe saunters up and asks if I know why I'm being pulled over.

My thought: Honestly? NO. Because you were on the OTHER side. What can you possibly get that is accurate if you're flying down the highway and I'm flying down the highway on OPPOSITE sides?

Then he tried to get sassy and tell me he'd been chasing me for 5 minutes. WHATEVER. Like I had any reason to be watching my rearview mirror. Anywhodle, he then tells me that I was going 95 in a 65. HOLD THE PHONE....65? Where in the hell was it EVER 65? Apparently, according to Barney Fife there, it's briefly 65 in the "canyon." So, he asks for my license and registration and proof of insurance. Would you believe I totally couldn't find 2 out of the 3. Good thing they can look that crap up on their computers. An HOUR later he returned and handed me a FAT ticket for $360.00. THREE.HUNDRED.AND.SIXTY.DOLLARS!!! Are you kidding me? HATE!

I will say, this is the first time I have recieved a ticket for speeding in over 15 years. Also, the first time I've ever had any encounter with a cop and not cried. And by that I mean...the 2 times I've recieved tickets in my stellar 22 years of driving, I totally bawled. I clearly didn't want Sabrea to think I wasn't as cool as she thinks.

You KNOW I totally had to document it. There was a blog post comin. I just didn't know it would turn into fugitive status blogpost. Shoulda taken a picture of Officer sucks a lot, but I didn't have it in me.

Right. So, he stated that I had 14 days to contest said ticket. IN UTAH!

News flash. Don't live in Utah.

Slight damper on my mood, but on we went to our destination.

Had a smashing good 4 days up there. Sang, visited, played, etc.

On the way home I literally watched EVERY.SINGLE.SPEED LIMIT SIGN like a hawk. And you know what? It WAS 65 for all of 5 seconds. But, more importantly, it turned to 75 literally half a millimeter out of that canyon. SO, even if I was going 85, there is NO WAY on Gods green earth that he caught me in the 65 zone. Because he was AFTER the canyon. So, very least, I shoulda got a ticket for 85 in a 75. Which would have reduced the amount significently.

I had a good argument.

And then....I sucked.

Let the excuses begin.

I DID happen to come home to the shit storm of '11. Jere was in the middle of, well, you know. the WORST depression time of his life. Which led into MY worst depression of my life. Literally, I have never suffered like that, and it was AWFUL. You wonder why there are almost no entries for several months. Life was complete and utter POOP around here. I stopped functioning. I layed in bed. I cried. I had panick attacks. And none of it had to do with the freaking ticket, I'll tell you that much.

So, there is a pretty good excuse.

Plus, here is another insight into me. I'm TOTALLY a bury your head in the sand kind of girl. I just want to believe that if I ignore it long enough or hard enough, it'll go away.

When the letter came that said, you missed your court date, call us, or write us or you're in big trouble. I didn't even read it. Jere did. He told me I was in big trouble.

I ignored.

Then when THE letter arrived that said....in words sorta like this I'm sure

"You are an OUTLAW! You have ignored us, now you have to pay $527.00 in BAIL, and there is a warrant out for your arrest, and we are suspending your license and driving privelages. If caught, you do NOT collect 200 dollars, you do NOT pass go. You DO go directly to jail. Cuff her Barney."

So, now my $360.00 went to $527.00. Awesome. 'Cause I have THAT just laying around. Oh,a nd did I mention we were MOVING in the midst of all these letters appearing. UGH!

I will not lie. The month of June was quite terrifying to drive. I'm pretty sure I drove like a Gramma on downers. I have NEVER followed speed limits to such a T. Or used my blinker so much. Or feared the sight of a police car so much in my life. I also wore my seatbelt like it was my uniform. When I had to take my nephews home, it was stressful. They live a LONG car ride down the freeway away. I literally would cruise control 1 UNDER the speed limit and watch my rearview mirror the entire time. It was terrifying. I would yell at my kids to get their seatbelts on, or sit down, 'cause if the police caught Mommy, she was goin to JAIL. They didn't like that. I really tried to avoid driving anywhere but around my immediate area. NOT FUN!

Then.....my parents caught wind of my status.

They were relentless.

Every.single.day......

"have you taken care of that yet?"

Finally, just before we left for Greer, I sold my first born child and got enough money to pay the bail. Certified it and mailed it off to the bastard people of the Millard County Justice Court.

While in Greer, the letter came.

Thanks for you money....SUCKAH! Now, take this letter to your DMV and have them lift the suspension.

JERKS!

I headed to the most awful place on earth and put in my time. Waiting for EVER until they called my number.

I felt so dirty. The woman totally thought I was a loser. I could tell. She smugly typed around on her computer screen. And then, THEN she says to me. "Are you prepared to pay the reinstatement fee?"

WHAT? I have to pay MORE money just to have the "privelage" to drive. I was NOT happy. I said, NO, i wasn't aware of a fee. She said, "yes, there is a fee, are you PREPARED to pay it today." FINE, I'll pay your freaking ransom. Just get me out of here. So, she tinkered around for another year and FINALLY told me I was done. EXCEPT, now I had to stand in line for a new license. BALLS!

Thankfully, that didn't take long at all. For the first time in 6 years I have a new license picture, which is good, since I was about 200 lbs. heavier in the last one.

I'm current.

Fugitive status lifted. License reinstated. Free to drive like the rockstar that I am.

Moral of this story: NEVER drive near Fillmore Utah without a police scanner. Just sayin. Oh, and also, don't ignore letters from the court. They mean business.

Not gonna lie, a weight has been lifted. It'll be nice to drive without fear once again.

With that said.....I'm off to meet the teacher and a baseball game. Wish us luck.

Cops and Robbers,

Allyson

Moments with Maggie and Max

2011-08-07T23:37:00.000-07:00

What can I say....Greer was....AWESOME! And I will TOTALLy share pics and stories later. But today, today I must share a couple of "precious" moments brought to you by Maggarella and Maximus Prime. I mean, I'm completely aware that you're all in withdrawells of toddler stories. So, because i care, and because I like you....I will share.

Let us begin with THIS girl:

She has become, how shall I say this....umm, painfully aware of certain aspects of body. Picture with me if you will.....

We are leaving Greer, it's our final stop in the bathroom of the cabin. Gotta relieve the bladder before hitting the road. First Maggie does her duty, then it's my turn. As I sit down on the he hem..."throne" little Miss Muffet says to me:
"Mommy, why is your bum SO big?"

I pondered my answer possibilites and finally came up with the ever so "clever"...

"Well, because I weigh to much?"
Right, like a 4 year old is getting THAT concept. What the hell is weight anyway?

"But WHY is it SO big?"

......case in point.......

And REALLY, who the hell thought this was a good idea for a picture.

SICK!

"Because I'm overweight."
Oh, there you go again Einstein. SUCH brilliant speak to a 4 year old.

"Well, sometimes, when you wear your pajamas, it doesn't look as big.

I am now standing and zipping my shorts.

"Hmmm, well what about these shorts. Does it look a little smaller in them?"

A VERY brief pause.

"NO." And then she turned and walked out.

Awesome.

After searching the intrawebs, I found this:

An almost frighteningly accurate depiction of my backside. You can see why maggie is concerned.

Moral of THIS story......

ALWAYS wear my pajama pants. Clearly, they make my butt look better.

Now, let's discuss THIS guy:

Man he's cute!

Thursday morning we headed into Eager to grab some last minute supplies before the "kidlympics." We cruelly tore Max away from his "best" friend Olivia and he was unconsolable! He cried non stop (which I would later learn was because, he was getting sicky poo) most of the way there. We finally got him to stop (well, i think exhaustion did that for us) by convincing him that he could pick any treat out he wanted at the dollar store. Upon arriving he of course went straight for the balloons. Ultimately, it was a handheld balloon on a stick AND a bag of gummy worms.

Once in the car, he couldn't get his gummy worms fast enough. We started down the road, I handed him his bag of worms, he pulled one out, and almost instantly, there was bawling and wailing from the back seat. I turned to see what had happened, and there he was with giant crocodile tears, so, SO sad. He had bit his cheek. I felt so bad. He was really in pain, and there was nothing I could do. I just kept reassuring him that I knew how much it hurt, and that biting your cheek totally sucks and that he would be ok.

FINALLY...he stopped crying. We got down the road a little further and I could hear him mumbling/talking in his seat. He had the gummy worm in his hands and when I turned and asked what he was saying he replied:

"I not talking to you Mommy. I'm talking to my worm." "He has a mouth."

I said, "No he doesn't have a mouth."

"yes he does."

Then I left it alone and turned back around. And listened to him mumble to the worm things like, "your mouth. mouth. not nice."

I turned back around and said, honey, the worm doesn't have a mouth.

"Yes he does.....he bit me."

"No honey, HE didn't bite you."

"I hurt myself?"

"Yes, you bit yourself."

"Not uh."

And that was that. He handed back the bag and declared he didn't want no stinkin gummy worm.

The next day we were heading out of town toward home. Maggie caught site of the worms and asked for one. I handed her a worm and then asked Max if he'd like one.

With great disgust and concern, he scrunched his adorable face up and said:

"NO, it BITES."

Not gonna lie, I giggled about that for the next 2 days. He sincerely believes that gummy worms have mouths, and they BITE you if you try to eat them.

Yep...if you look real close, you can totes see that wicked little mouth.

BEWARE the gummy worms!!

In other Max updates. I must document that he has become obsessed with hula hoops. Though....he calls them: HOOPALOOPS! It's so freaking cute, i just make him say it over and over. Then, i make him demonstrate how one plays with a hoopaloop. He's got some mad hip swiveling skills. Too bad he can't seem to implement them with that actual hoopaloop.

And there you have it......

Moments with Maggie and Max!

Big butts and mouthy worms,

Allyson

And away we gooooo.....

2011-07-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

SO MUCH has been going on, so many little things to talk about and NO time to do so. I'm here to say this....Max is on a personal quest to destroy his face and his brain apparently.

Yesterday, at a playdate with friends, a mere 15 minutes in, I watched as he came tra la la-ing down the stairs and then suddenly caught air and faceplanted on the tile floor below. There was instant crying, and it was that kind of crying that was total pain. I ran over to him, and sure enough, some blood. This has happened alot, some gum bleeding, or a little cut on the lip, etc. But, i could see right away this was very different. There was A LOT of blood. Like giant droplets on the ground, on his clothes, gushing blood. I ran him into the kitchen and worked on him with wet paper towells for awhile. I could see that this was not your ordinary lip cut, it was HUGE, deep, hideous. It took him awhile to stop crying and even longer to stop bleeding. Eventually we got it to stop, and he carried around his cute little flower shaped ice pack, attached to his lip for the rest of the day. He's a trooper.

Wanna see it? Warning....it's gross.

His reaction to seeing this picture is hysterical. Any time he's seen it, he literally covers his mouth in horror and freaks out. Also, please ignore the booger in his nostril. Thank you.

I won't lie...if his perfect little lips end up permanently damaged, well, I just might not recover from that.

In other news....today, on our excursion to Costco, he thought slamming his head into the bench at high force would be a most excellent idea. It wasn't.

He slipped on his drink that he'd spilled all over the ground. When he fell, I was up getting a refill on his drink and some more pizza for Maggie. I heard the scream and cry and immediately felt panic. When i got to him some lady was rubbing his head. He hit the back of his head and there is a HUGE goose egg to prove it. It was horrible, and sad. He cried for a very long time and just kept saying Owie. No kidding...OWIE! I'm sure his head was spinning, his ears were ringing and the pain was great. I finally got him to stop crying and we got ourselves home, after picking Jere up from work, cause I couldn't do this day alone anymore.

Good news.....he has remained responsive and alert and playful. He took a great nap, wherein Jere woke him up every 1/2 hr. just to be sure. We iced it for a couple hours and gave him tylenol. By tonight he seems ok. But, I tell you what. SCAREY!

Anywho...personal vendetta on himself or not. We are moving forward.

'Cause you wanna know what tomorrow is?

Tomorrow we leave for

To be with these people

We're EXCITED!

Maggie woke me up this morning with complete sparkle and joy in her eyes and said:

"Mommy....only one more sleep until GREER!"

It may have been the cutest thing she's ever done.

Good news. Greer did NOT burn down. It came close. Very, very close. But, for the most part, it's still standing. And that is all that matters.

So, try not to miss me too much whilst I'm off reading, taking walks, playing games and laughing in the cool weather. That is if i can actually finish packing and be prepared to go.

Burn lines,green trees and busted lips,

Allyson

UPDATE:

In case anyone is still worrying over "what the suck". I would like to report, with a little sheepish embarassment, that ALL worked out with minimal money and or pain. My fabulous bro. in law Troy came over after work and found that the garage was simply a tripped safety lock. It was fixed in an instant. Then he set his sites on the shower. After some vicious hacking, clanging, unscrewing and banging, he got the pipe free and was able to put in a new pipe. So for a mere $15.00 the shower problem was fixed. Like I said, I feel a little stupid admitting that, maybe, just perhaps I overreacted a bit. But please, when you're in the moment, and you're super stressed about owning a house, and money and two things are suddenly "broken" it FEELS like the end of the world. And i had to get it off my chest. BUT, alls well that ends well. And no children were harmed in the moment. Thanks for all your sweet comments and concern.

Trash to Treasure Tuesday

2011-07-26T01:21:00.000-07:00

It was a close call folks. This post almost didn't even happen. For whatever reason, our wireless router decided to take a dump and die. No internet for TWO.WHOLE.DAYS, it was nearly death. NEARLY! Thankfully, my fine brother in law Adam came by and not only fixed the internet, but he also killed a giant cockroach. That guys a keeper FOR SURE!

So, what to show, what to show??? I've done another table this week, and I've also created a message board. Oh, and fun.....I got myself two new FREE chairs which I shall be making over shortly.

Alright, I'll posed this question:

What do you get when you take a FOUR DOLLAR frame.....

You guys....I found this HUGE, solid wood frame at Hobby Lobby, in a very magical aisle full of things 90% off. FOUR BUCKS, are you even kidding me here? I can't even get a plastic 4 x 6 at Walmart for that much.

Anyway, a little black spray paint and we were good to go.

With this little bunch of materials?

Ok, first I have to show this as the BEFORE:

It just looked messey. And sorry, this was the only pic I could find that sorta showed the area.

ANYWHO......what you get is THIS smashing Message Board:

So, for somewhere around $21.00 I made the whole board. As opposed to the $100.00 that the store wants for something that big. I love having the white board to write on, and the cork to attach the calendar and things too. And I really love having the keys underneath there. Everything just feels cleaner. YAY!

There was also this BEFORE:

This was on my living room wall. In this house, it just needed a wee little makeover.

AFTER:

Just a quicky coat of ocean breeze, or something like that. This is a sneak peek at what is going on in my "new" living room. It's coming together nicely, but still changing daily.

And finally, because you don't really care, I'm gonna show you my laundry room/pantry anyway.

It's hard getting a good shot, so you get the true feel for how big it is. Just know that the pictures go in order around the room. This one is standing outside the door, looking in. Whatever, don't mock. I know you can see that much. hahaha

I actually missed a corner full of shelves that holds more supplies, wrapping paper, bags, etc. This mess is the "craft" corner.

I just sincerely love how much space I have in there, and how much CRAP i can put in there.

And THAT concludes our treasures and tour for the day.

Peace in the ghetto,

Allyson

What the SUCK?

2011-07-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

I believe the term I'm looking for here is..."Shit happens"? You've all heard it, Right? Well, there is that term, and then there is SHIT HAPPENS!!!!!!

It has been a BANNER day of "the suck" here at Casa MVP. For real, UN-BEE-LEAVE-ABLE caca poopy happening around here.

Owning a house with toddlers and small children should just not be allowed. I want a re-do. Can we rewind and start over? Please?

Right, so here is my day.

Got up, fiddled around for a bit, fed the kids breakfast and then decided to be such a NICE Mommy and take them all swimming (Brooklyn spent the night). We swam for a good long time. I worked with Maggie on her swim skillz. I worked with Brooklyn on her diving into the water (it didn't help) and just played out there forever. Totally deserving the good mom points, especially because I don't enjoy swimming as just a for the sake of doing it thing. Got them all dried, in the house, ready to take showers. Brooklyn and Maggie were gonna do a duo shower, so I turned on the water for them, got it just the right temp and then turn the knob for the shower. Suddenly, water was spraying at me FROM.THE.WALL.

What the hell?

I reached up to stop it and turn the water off at the same time, when suddenly, the entire shower head and part of the pipe just came OUT of the wall.

WHAT THE HELL?

Brooklyn then calmly says, "Oh, that was Maggie?" Excuse me? Maggie did what? She then says that Maggie had "swung" on the shower and it broke. which, if true, happened yesterday, and they never bothered to inform us. So, here is what our current shower situation looks like.

Not looking good.

Apparently she "swung" from the tubing of the detachable showerhead part.

Look here Tarzana, what ever would possess you to DO that?

Something tells me I am SCREWED!

And here is what the Mom looks like now:

I was so, for lack of a better term.....pissed and shocked, i couldn't even cry about it. At the time I needed to get in the shower and hurry because we needed to leave to pick up our car (that story coming).

So, we all get showered in my shower(not at the same time, trust me, my shower is mini) and I finally finished getting ready. I had Jere herd the kids toward the car so we could try and move faster. I heard the garage door going, and then an "uh oh, this isn't good." Only to see the garage door STILL down. Jere said, "it sounds like its working, but its not moving." Then Maggie says, ever so nonchallantly "Oh, that's Brooklyn. She broke it." WHAAAAAAAAAAT?????

Yep, Brooklyn pipes up, well Maggie told me to. Really, Fanny follower, if she told you to eat her poop, would you? She had grabbed a hold of this red cord thing and hung from it, and SNAPPED the main wire that lifts the garage door. All in just a matter of seconds. Jere had turned his back to take his meds, heard a thud against the garage door, but didn't think anything of it. Ta DA! Destructo and her partner struck again.

You have GOT to be FREAKING kidding me at this point.

Pretty sure there were flames, heaving, breathless, white hot flames on the side of my face. It was a rage and a frustration like no other. I mean really. WHY? I've lived here exactly 1 month and already two MAJOR repairs that trust me, I can NOT afford to do. I may or may not have lost my Shishkabob on them, and totally sucked at motherhood. Jere had to excuse himself, for fear he may hurt someone. BUT, we didn't have time to punish, discipline or cry. We were very late to pick up the car and get jere to work. So, we piled in, in stoney silence (after we'd calmed Max down, who was crying and upset because we were upset, and thought HE was in trouble, poor thing) and drove to get the car.

I called my parents and cried, and told them everything. Their response? "I'd forgotten how much little kids can destroy." and "You had better spank them hard and sit them in a corner." And essentially (though not verbalized) "wow, sucks to be you."

See that little black wire? Yeah, it's not s'posed to be just dangling there like that. Nope, not s'posed to do that, AT.ALL.

See that face?

Serenity now!!!!

I believe Jeres comment as we were driving away was..."We shoulda just moved into an apartment." Agreed! I can't handle all this stuff. It's too stressful.

THE VAN:

So, a couple weeks ago, we drove to workshop....all was well. After we got home that day (between shows) I ran to grab some dinner. But right away I could tell something was wrong, because instead of cool air blowing in my face, there were fiery darts from hell, blasting at me. Somewhere between coming and going, the air had broken. So, I hustled it down to our mechanic. When he called me the next day and the first words out of his mouth were "do you have any warranty left?" I KNEW we were not in for happy times. Apparently, the clutch on the compressor had gone out, which is fairly unheard of in cars with as little miles as mine, and or on a HONDA! But of course it happened to me. OF COURSE! He then informed me that it would be $1100.00. Kill me now. He suggested I take it to the dealer and plead my case (only 3000 miles past my warranty, take care of it, etc.) and see if they'd work with me. After I cried and hyperventilated and yelled at God for awhile i decided to do just that. I made an appt. at the dealership and took it down. I explained all those things and they said they'd see what they could do. Long story short.....Honda said they would "goodwill" fix it for me this one time and they completely fixed it under warranty so it cost me NOTHING! Thank you for the small miracles. HOWEVER, when they were fixing it they found that my front engine mount was broken (also vERY rare for a car my age) and I needed new front breaks. The dealership was gonna charge my 700+bucks for that. So, I said, no thanks and called Hon-Man (my bro. in law and parents swear by him). He said he'd fix it for nearly 300 less. So, I took it in yesterday and today i got to pick it up.

Hence, my added stress and frustration that I was shelling out $500 big ones for the car, while my kid and niece had done 1000's of dollars of damage at the house.

And lest we all forget....Millie (Jeres car) took a dump earlier this summer. That little axel explosion cost us NINE HUNDRED dollars. But, don't worry, she's workin like a champ now.

NOT.TO.MENTION......

This really pretty looking dishwasher only worked ONE TIME after we moved in. Then, well, it just won't do anything. Not even start.

Yet ANOTHER thing on the list. Which I THOUGHT I might be able to get fixed. but now.....not so much. Which means....

Dirty dishes in my sink.

I hate washing dishes.

But I do it, daily.

Blech!

At least it's a lovely DEEP and big sink. It can hide a lot of dishes.

Also, thank goodness I don't do much cooking these days. Less dishes to wash.

So there you have it. The story of our suck!

I HAD to sit down and write about it, otherwise I woulda just sat here and cried and or continued to rage and be pissed more. How ridiculous that one of the first thoughts after it had all gone down was...."well, at least I'll finally have something to blog about."

Seriously....like my Mom said earlier. You may as well laugh about it, because otherwise all you'd do is cry. I know that's true. And i'm really trying not to freak out on an epic level, I am. But, it's sorta overwhelming and scarey round here at times.

With that said, I'm off to do something mind numbing so I don't have to think about the state of affairs round here. The kids have been banished to their room for naps, and who knows.....maybe I'll just keep them there indefinitely. One thing I do know for sure, they TOTALLY aren't getting the cookies they wanted. HMPH!

Signed....the keeper of Tarzans apprentices,

Allyson

T-RASH to TREASURE Tuesday ya'll

2011-07-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

It's that time of week again.......time to see whats I've been up to in re-do land. I have been pretty busy, not gonna lie. And i find it hard not to just show you everything at once. BUT, I shall try to show some restraint, difficult as it may be.

This last week I got a lot of my living room done. I think i'm pretty happy with the wall layout going on. I painted a table, painted pieces on the wall, found some new pieces. Painted a shelf, etc. Yet, there is still so much to do, 2 more tables to paint, though I have a vision of a certain table I'm looking for, to fit in the corner and will be on the hunt. STILL looking for fabric for my two faboo chairs that need to be painted and re-upholstered. BUT, I guess that's good. I will have plenty of projects to work on.

Anywho.......let me just look through my bag of tricks and see what I'm gonna share with ya.

BEFORE:

Here it is....our "cawfee" table. When we bought it 9 years ago, I was so madly, deeply in love with it. I loved the color, loved the shape, loved it all. And Jere was the coaster nazi. I mean really....you could NOT touch that thing without laying down a coaster. It was kept spectacularly well. Then....we had kids.

I rest my case.

Drink rings, deep gouges, scratches, missing knobs, etc.

Plus, if you look back at the pic above, all the way around the edges, the color had been worn off, because we may sorta use it as our ottoman too.

Anywho.....it had seen better days. And also, I'm over all the dark wood. Don't get me wrong, I still love dark wood and if I want wood, it will always be a choice for dark. But, I'm just over it for now. I want everything to feel lighter, brighter, cheerier. Sooooo, I scrubbed it down (and by scrub I mean, I sprayed some TSP and half assedly wiped it clean) and spray primed it.

Here she is, all primed and ready to go. Have i mentioned how much I love me a garage. Somewhere covered, shaded and private to do all my painting. AWESOME!

AFTER:

Hi you cute little white table with glass turquoisey knobs.

You're adorable, nice to meet you.

And I'll have you all know, I actually ROLLED this bad boy. No spray paint. I know, I know....WHO am I?

Now, I'm staring at it day after day and trying to decide if I should do my glaze work around the edges. Not sure, but it just might happen.

And now, because you're all cute and good little audience members, I shall show you the finished project in the eating area.

Many thanks to Troy for his master craftsman skillz.

BEFORE:

First of all , I get it....my table is tragically to small in this space. Don't even think i'm not on the hunt for a bigger, better more ROUND table.

Also, look how sad this room looks, so empty on that wall. Before we moved in, I had this idea and huge desire to have a huge framed out area to display all my childrens "artwork." My kid is in preschool for goodness sake, I got new pictures every other day. And then there is all the drawing and painting they just like to do daily. It was a constant mess on my refrigerator, or a constant placement in the circular file, ifyaknowwhatimean.

AFTER:

Better?

I like to think so.

Noone worry. That IS Jeres just fantasmigorical handwriting. He has the most beautiful penmanship. Whilst I have, according to him, the scrawl of a serial killer (sad but true).

Oops! Those cute little kids just sorta slipped in there.

Anyway, there you have it. Next week, elements of the living room, and a look into another room.

Try not to pee your pants with anticipation.

Spraying and sweating,

Allyson

Well.....her name AIN'T Grace!

2011-07-18T00:19:00.000-07:00

You know the fear right? The one where you trip and fall in a rather unfortunate situation.....we've ALL had it. You're walking on stage, in front of a large group of people and you suddenly turf it. You feel utterly stupid, and horrified. It's one of those things on the list of "most" embarassing. (One that I have done in spectacular fashion)

Well, today, Maggie completely got to check that off her list. Which I say, thank goodness she took care of it at 4, as opposed to 24.

This morning Maggie was the reverence child in church. What that means is, she stood up at the pulpit with her arms folded as everyone walked into church. She is there to "remind" people to be reverent. Of course we were running late and we got there only 5 minutes before church started. Which in the history of our ward would have been like 10 minutes early because we NEVER start on time. But today, TODAY we have a new Bishop and darn it, he started smack dab ON TIME! So, her moment of reverent glory was short lived. It's ok, at least she willingly went up there and did it. Anyway, Bishop thanks Maggie for her reverence and then excuses her.

Here is where things take a turn.

She walks across the stand, gets to the steps (there are 2), puts her hands out to hold the sides and then in the blink of an eye she was "ass up in the neighbors yard." (please name where that quote comes from). Literally, her feet flew out from under her and she was on her back with her dress all askew. She just laid there, and I, being the horrible mother that I am, could NOT stop laughing. She wasn't crying, and she wasn't hurt, lest you think I'm THAT horrible. I got up and picked her up and asked if she was ok. Yep, just her pride totally hurt. She stood there with her purse up in front of her face, hoping the world couldn't see her.(I understand little one) I brought her back up to sit by me on the stand (I lead the music in church). She sat nicely beside me, while I tried my DARNDEST to stop giggling and lead the opening song. During the Sacrament she said she wanted to go sit down with Daddy. I told her to go ahead, then she asked me to go down with her, which I couldn't do (not in the middle of Sacrament). I told her no, but she could go. Then she said, "but I don't want those stairs to make me fall again." I assured her if she went carefully that she would be ok. You shoulda SEEN how gently she took those steps. And the relief on her face as she cleared them and then ran to the safety of Daddy.

Yep, homegirl is definitely her Mothers daughter.

Whatever you do, just don't call me "Grace." 'Cause I ain't got it, and neither apparently does my girl.

Slips and slides,

Allyson